


Intimate Redemption

by JRC10



Category: General Hospital
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-30
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-12-26 17:05:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 29,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18286562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JRC10/pseuds/JRC10
Summary: A Julexis in therapy story.





	1. Somatic Intuition

Somatic Intuition

____________________________________

 

"Oh, no. How embarrassing!"

Alexis stared at the mortified woman sitting next to her. 

"What's embarrassing?" asked Alexis.

"I asked a guy to be my date to this wedding, but he turned me down. Now he's sitting across the room," said Kim.

Kim gave Alexis a nauseous feeling in her stomach. It was probably jealousy. Seeing her with Julian the other day invaded her thoughts. Then Sam and Drew had to go and sit Kim next to her at their wedding reception. 

Alexis was also jealous that Kim was drinking champagne with an obvious amount a pleasure, and it was all Alexis could do to stick to water.

But listening to Kim, Alexis figured she didn't have anything to worry about. Kim didn't seem to be thinking about Julian, at all. She was talking about a crush she had on a man present at Sam's wedding reception. The silliest part was Kim was attending the wedding with an entirely different guy.

"Now, Dr. Nero, keep your chin up. You're here with a very handsome young doctor as a date. So, whoever that guy was who turned you down can rue the day he let you go."

"Yes, my date is very sweet. Too bad he keeps disappearing on me."

"The life of a doctor."

"Don't I know it."

"What kind of doctor is your date?"

"Dr. Castro, Cristian, is a psychologist. He and I are the newest doctors at GH, so we've come to rely on each other for support."

"Who knows, you might be grateful the other man declined your invitation. This serendipitous date with Dr. Castro might really lead to something."

Kim shrugged.

"You're not into him?"

"Cristian is great. It's just..." her expression fell.

"It's just you really liked the other guy."

"Yes. I have a school girl crush on him. I find myself coming up with excuses to go see him where he works. I get all fluttery when he's around. It's embarrassing."

"Did he say why he declined? Maybe he had a date already?" Or maybe he had a radar for trouble, Alexis thought.

"No, he didn't have a date. He's here alone. He said no because he's hung up on someone else."

"He has a girlfriend?"

"No. He's divorced." Kim shrugged again, and took a drink of her champagne. Alexis looked longingly at the bubbling glass of self-destruction.

"Until then, you should enjoy your adorable date. If you don't, someone here might snatch him up. He seems like a real catch. Tall, dark, and handsome."

Kim smiled, "You know what? You're right. I'll do just that.

Cristian Castro walked back to their table at just that moment.

"Welcome back. I hope your patient is alright," said Kim.

Cristian looked pained. "He's not, actually. I think I'm going to have to go to the hospital and admit him to an inpatient facility."

"You're leaving?" Kim looked disappointed.

"I'm sorry. It's urgent."

"I understand. I'll see you at work tomorrow."

"We'll grab coffee?"

"Sure."

He gave Kim's hand a squeeze. He looked up to Alexis and the others at the table, "It was nice meeting you all. Sorry for darting out."

"Perfectly understandable. I hope your patient is ok," said Alexis.

"Thank you. Goodnight." He gave one last wink to Kim and walked briskly out of the room. 

Alexis watched him go. Lucky guy, she thought. She'd very much like to be the one leaving. As happy as she was for her daughter and their family, there was too much alcohol floating around the room for Alexis to enjoy herself. 

Looking at the champagne made Alexis lightheaded. It was like she was getting drunk by proxy. She didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. She put her face in her hands to steady herself. 

She heart Scout crying across the table, and it gave her a pain in her head. "Molly, can you pick up Scout and settle her down?"

"Mom, Olivia Quartermaine took Scout, Danny, and the rest of the kids to the Quartermaine mansion an hour ago."

The crying quickly faded and the pain receded. Alexis looked up and didn't see any babies or kids in the room.

"Was someone crying?"

"No one. Are you ok, Mom?"

"I'm fine. I think I just have a migraine coming on."

She scanned the room for Sam, who looked beautiful in white. Alexis finally got to see Sam in a wedding any mother could only dream of for her daughter. She once again thanked her lucky stars for Drew and the life he'd given Sam.

Her eyes wandered again and landed on her brother. Alexis couldn't see who he was talking to, but Valentin looked irritable and serious. It took Alexis a moment to realize Sam probably invited Nina as a business associate, and Valentin was her plus one. 

The less time Alexis concerned herself with her brother the better. She looked around for someone to talk to for distraction. Molly and TJ left the table to dance. Kristina couldn't fly out for the wedding due to bad weather and flight delays. Sam was dancing with Drew. 

She looked around the room for the best man. Curtis was always pleasant to talk to. Maybe she could steal him from Jordan for a dance.

"Oh my God, he's coming," said Kim. "Maybe seeing me here with Cristian kept him away. Quick, Alexis, how does my makeup look?"

Alexis watched the normally composed doctor fret over the state of her lipstick. 

"You look lovely, Kim. Relax."

Kim bounced giddy in her seat. "Here he is now."

Alexis turned and her heart jumped wildly in her chest.

"Julian!" said Kim brightly.

"Hi," Julian said with a forced smile. The smiled left his face quickly as his gaze moved to Alexis. Julian looked agitated. "Alexis, we need to talk."

"What are you doing here, Julian?" Alexis spared a sympathetic glance for Kim before turning to Julian.

"Sam said I could come," said Julian. "I wanted to see our daughter get married."

"What do you want?"

"I need to talk to you. It's urgent."

"About Molly? Is everything ok?"

"It's not about Molly, but no, everything is not fine. Come. Please."

Alexis stood and ignored the hand Julian held out for her. If Molly saw her holding hands with him, there would be a scene. Undeterred, Julian guided Alexis with a hand on the small of her back. 

Alexis was caught off guard when he lead her to the dance floor.

"Julian, I can't."

"Just one dance, Alexis. There is something we have to clear up. Besides, we are the parents of the bride. Isn't that tradition?"

Julian wrapped an arm around her waist and held her right hand in his left. He pulled her close and began swaying to the slow jazz music.

"It was a beautiful wedding," he said. "I wish I could have walked her down the aisle."

Alexis didn't answer. Instead she was peering around the room at all the eyes on her. Judging her. 

She really needed a drink.

She saw Kim shooting daggers with her eyes from their table. Alexis couldn't help feeling a little smug.

"You shouldn't have lied to me about having something important to talk about just to get me to dance with you."

"It wasn't a lie. I have something very important to discuss with you. This is just an emotional day for me, as a father. I shared my thoughts with you because, being the mother of the bride, I thought you'd be the only one to really understand."

Alexis lifted her head to look in Julian's eyes. There was a glossy sheen where tears were threatening to drop. Her body softened into him. She nodded her understanding.

She felt his hand flex on her back, and though he was restraining himself.

"What did you need to tell me?" she asked.

"I just had a very enlightening conversation with your brother."

"Valentin?"

Julian nodded. "Yes, apparently he wasn't aware of my ignorance of the role you played in getting me out of prison."

Alexis bit her lip. She didn't want Julian to find out about what she did.

"He threatened me, saying if you ever extorted him again on my account, he would hold me accountable."

Alexis cringed. "Sorry about that."

"Sorry?" Julian smirked. "Sorry, huh? Tell me Alexis, what are you sorry about?"

"I'm sorry he threatened you."

Julian nodded. "That's what I thought you meant." He shook his head in irritation. "What did you do?"

"You don't need to know the specifics."

"Oh, yes I do."

"All I will tell you, is that I found out Valentin had influence over Liv's lawyer. I had some information on him that would damn him to Sonny. I asked him to encourage Liv's lawyer to get her to tell the truth, or I would tell Sonny what I knew."

"Alexis, you're withholding information from Sonny about Valentin that Sonny would kill him over?" Julian said exasperated.

She just shrugged.

"Oh, Alexis. This is a dangerous game you're playing." He twirled her around and brought her back in close. "Wait." Alexis could see the connections being made in his head. Julian spoke with a dangerous tone, "Did Valentin have connection to Liv?"

"Stop, Julian. Get that look out of your eyes. You're out of the business now. Forget about Liv. She's locked up. And there is no evidence tying Valentin to Liv."

"Then why would he do what you asked him to?"

"Because Sonny doesn't care about evidence. If Sonny had even a suspicion Valentin shared responsibility for Morgan's death by connection to Liv, he would kill him. He doesn't care about evidence. Besides, Valentin took Nikolas away from Spencer, and Valentin nearly kidnapped Spencer shortly after. Sonny is just looking for a reason to target Valentin."

"So you used Sonny's grief and tendency to jump to conclusions to get Valentin to assert his influence and get me free?"

Alexis pursed her lips and looked away. The intensity of Julian's gaze was making her knees weak.

"Damn it, Alexis! Why did you do it?"

Alexis was shocked. She was expecting gratitude, not anger. "Excuse me?"

"Why?"

"Because you were going to be killed in prison. I couldn't let that happen. Especially because you were in jail based on Rudge's lies."

"So you extorted the man who killed your nephew? And now you're hiding information from Sonny?"

"Just say thank you and get over it."

"Get over it?! You almost lost your law license because of me! What if your plan didn't work? I couldn't live with you losing your license for good over me!"

"Well, I couldn't let them kill you knowing there was something I could do about it."

"Damn it, Alexis. Promise you won't do anything like that again? Promise you won't risk your license, or your life for me! I'm not worth it!"

Alexis felt a panic rising inside. "I need to go." She pulled away and walked back to her table. She was going to get her purse and leave. She ignored Kim's glare as she looked for her bag.

She found her purse and turned to go. She didn't realize Julian followed her.

"Julian, let me leave."

"Please, Alexis. Promise me you won't risk yourself ever again. Not for me. I'm over here trying to be a better person for you, for my family. How can I be that if you lose your job over me, or worse, your life?"

Alexis put a hand on his chest. "Julian, I did what my conscience told me was the right thing to do. Which was the opposite of what happened when I represented Carlos. I knew it was wrong and did it anyway. But this, I won't apologize for it."

Julian's agitation returned. He was going say something, but Alexis cut him off. "But if it makes you feel better, I have no plans to do anything like that again. That is as close to a promise you will get from me."

Alexis walked past him; just before she was out of his reach he grabbed her wrist and pulled her into him. His lips were on hers and his hands were in her hair. 

It took a moment for Alexis to realize her mouth was moving, too. Her body was pressing against him. Moans of pleasure came out of her mouth.

It took another moment for Alexis to remember they were in public. Another for her to remember it was a bad idea to be kissing Julian. And other couple of moments to find the strength to pull away.

When she did, he was looking at her with fierce desire in his eyes. She almost leaned back in for more.

"Mom!" yelled Molly behind Julian.

Alexis pushed away from Julian without a word. Their eyes never left each other until she turned to rush out the door.


	2. Symptomatic

Symptomatic

___________________________________

 

Alexis looked around the room. She couldn't trust any of these people to be her sponsor. Monica Quartermaine would be the only person she would have considered, but there was no way in hell she was going to have an extended family member (even if it was by marriage) be her sponsor. 

It ruined the whole Anonymous part of AA. It wasn't that she didn't want her sponsor to know her. It was just that she didn't want her sponsor to be present at every family function she'd have with her grandkids for the rest of her life.

The thought of Julian's lips on hers intruded into her thoughts again. She chided herself; she couldn't stop thinking about him, dreaming about him. She hardly slept a wink, but when she did, he was there. Most of the dreams were intensely erotic. But there was also the nightmare...

She shoved those thoughts away. A sponsor. She was supposed to be looking for a sponsor. She needed one now more than ever. She could feel the taste of vodka on her tongue. She felt her glands salivating for it.

She stood up and walked out of the meeting in the middle of someone's speech. She felt bad for the guy who was discussing his latest relapse since his divorce.

Alexis's mind moved to finding someone to stop her from taking a drink. She moved toward the GH elevators and bumped into a tall, broad, young man. She looked up and saw a set of dark, brown eyes looking at her in concern. 

Pain shot through her head, making her knees go weak. Dizziness overtook her, and she thought she might faint. The man caught her before she went down.

"Alexis," the man said. "Are you ok?"

When the words she was looking for to reassure him couldn't be found, he lifted her over to an empty gurney near the wall.

"Alexis? It's Cristian. Do you remember me from Saturday night?"

The pain started easing from her head. She didn't realize her vision was blurred until is started to clear. Cristian Castro's face came into focus.

Embarrassment washed over her.

"Dr. Castro, I'm sorry. I just got a little excited. I'm fine, thank you."

"I'm not so sure you are. Griffin!" Cristian waved over Dr. Munro.

"Please, no. I'm fine, really."

"Alexis, what happened?" said Griffin. He took out his stethoscope and started on her vitals.

"I just became a little overwhelmed and walked into the good doctor here." She realized Cristian was holding her hand. "I think it rattled me and I became a little unsteady. Really, I'm fine."

Griffin was looking into her eyes. "Your blood pressure is a little high, but other than that, you look fine. I'd like to run some labs..."

"No, really, no thank you. I feel much better now."

Griffin's pager sounded off.

"Go," encouraged Alexis. "I'm fine. Really."

"Let me know if the symptoms come back. We'll do a more thorough examination."

"Of course," said Alexis, just trying to get him to leave."

Griffin took off, but Dr. Castro still had her hand.

"Now, Alexis, I'm a Ph.D., not an M.D., but even I can see you're not fine."

She smirked.

"At the very least, you seem highly distressed. Do you want to talk about it? I've got a free hour," he said

She tried not to roll her eyes. "You want to shrink me, don't you?"

He laughed. "I just want to make sure you're alright."

Alexis stood. She was calm and steady. The headache, dizziness, lightheadedness, and blurry vision were gone. "See? All good."

Dr. Castro pulled out a card. "Take this. You might change your mind about talking to someone. It might do you some good. At the very least, it can't hurt."

Alexis took the card to be polite. She shoved it in her purse. "Thank you. I'll consider it."

"That's all I ask."

"Good evening, Dr. Castro."

"Goodnight, Alexis."

She walked to the elevator. When the doors closed behind her and she pressed the button for the garage, all she could think about was getting to the nearest bar.


	3. Consequences

Consequences

_____________________________

 

"Uncle...what are you doing?! No! I don't want that! Just let me see my baby! I want to hold my baby one more time. Please. Please! Don't give me that, I don't need it!" Her head was aching terribly.

Thump, thump, thump! Alexis reluctantly woke up.

Hangovers were miserable. Alexis shook her head and tried to clear the fogginess. She needed to make the thumping stop. 

She tried to grab the vodka on the nightstand. It was gone. 

"Mom!" Molly's voice was behind her bedroom door. The adrenaline woke her. She realized she couldn't be hungover because she hadn't had anything to drink in close to a year.

The door opened and Molly came through. Alexis sat up.

"What are you doing in bed? It's ten o'clock."

Alexis shot up out of bed. "Ten?! Oh no. Oh God." She grabbed her phone and checked the date and time. She realized she never set her alarm.

She had a court date this morning for one of her biggest clients. 

"I need to call the courthouse!"

"I'll wait for you downstairs."

Molly left to allow Alexis to make her calls. Thankfully, the judge was understanding. Unfortunately, her high paying, high profile client did not understand, and fired her promptly.

Alexis could feel tension in her neck and shoulders. She rubbed the sides of her head, trying to fight the pain.

"Are you ok?" asked Molly.

Alexis nodded. "I've just got a headache. I've been getting them off and on since the wedding."

"Since you kissed Julian?"

"Julian kissed me. And I had a headache before I knew he was there. I was talking to Kim Nero about her date."

"Maybe you unconsciously sensed him."

"Is that why you're here? To lecture me about Julian?"

"No, I'm here because we were supposed to meet Curtis at Charlie's Pub this morning, before you had to be in court. When you didn't show, we called, but you never answered your phone. Then Diane called me saying you weren't answering for her either after you didn't show at the courthouse. What's wrong with you, Mom? This isn't like you."

"I told you, I haven't felt well since the wedding."

Molly eyes her mother critically. Alexis prayed Molly wouldn't harass her too much about Julian.

"Can I ask a few questions without you getting mad or defensive."

Alexis rolled her eyes. "You asking that makes me defensive."

"Have you been drinking?"

"No," Alexis sighed. "I haven't had a drink since early last year." Alexis tried to figure out why she felt so hung over when she woke up. 

The nightmare. It was about her father, Mikkos, when she thought he was her uncle, making her give up Sam. God, she was reliving the worst experiences of her life. No wonder she was miserable.

"Have you been to a meeting?"

"Yes, I went last night."

"Have you been seeing Julian?"

"No!" Now she was not only defensive, but frustrated. "I haven't seen or heard from him since the wedding."

"Then why is he planning on going to Sam's tonight to talk about you?"

"I have no clue! Maybe he expected me to take him back after that kiss. Maybe he expected me to be at the pub with you guys this morning. What Julian worries about is none of my business. What he talks about with Sam is between him and Sam."

"Even if it's about you?"

"Yes!" Alexis sat on the couch next to Molly. "Now forget about Julian for a second and tell me how the meeting with Curtis went."

Molly huffed.

"Oh God, what happened?"

"Don't freak out, ok?"

"Molly, you've gotten into a habit of telling me how not to feel about what you're going to say, then saying something that will make me feel the exact way you told me not to." 

Molly looked like as though she didn't hear a word of what Alexis said. She interjected, "The police found the body of a man who used to live in my building. He was evicted for suspicious reasons. Family says he was paying rent, but the landlord says he wasn't. More recently he was staying at the homeless shelter."

Alexis couldn't help her eyes bulging. "And Curtis thinks it's related to the Charles St. development project?"

"He has his suspicions." 

"Ok, we've got to get you back here. I can call a mover to be there tomorrow. Do you think you can get packed by yourself, or do you want me to hire help?"

"God, no! I'm not leaving. They aren't going to scare me away. The right this to do is stay and fight."

"But at the expense of your life?"

"Is my life more important than that other man's?"

"Yes! It is!"

"No, Mom, it's not! Besides, he might have been a victim of a mugging. Curtis is looking deeper into it. There is nothing to concern ourselves with right now."

Molly stood to leave. Alexis stood up after her grabbing her by the arms, "Molly, please! I can't lose one of my children ever again!"

A sharp pain stabbed Alexis in the head. It knocked her back onto the couch.

"Are you ok, Mom?"

"I'm fine," Alexis said through the pain.

"Do you think you should go to the doctor?"

"I'm fine."

"You've been having these headaches for days?"

Alexis rolled her eyes. If her daughters weren't so intrusive into her life, she might not be so stressed out and getting headaches.

"I'll make an appointment with my doctor. Does that make you happy?"

"Yes, it does." Molly picked up her bag and headed for the door. "I'll call you later to check in with you."

"I love you, honey."

"I love you."  
_____________________________

Alexis went to two different meetings that day. She even drove to a spot along the river to practice meditation. 

The better part of her was barely holding back the urge to drink. She wasn't taking it day by day, but moment by moment.

Unfortunately, sitting at the spot by the river did her did nothing to chase away any of the stress. Her thoughts raced everywhere. Molly being in danger. Molly's chronic judgement and disappointment in her. Those horrible headaches she'd been getting. The dream of Mikkos. Losing that client.

Julian.

Even sitting in the car by the river reminded her of their first time together. She let her thoughts drift back to those memories of making love for the first time. She wondered what life would have been like for them if they would have exchanged numbers. If Julian would've known she was pregnant. 

Mikkos entered her thoughts again, taking away her baby.

The pain came back, striking sharp and swift, causing her to drop her head in her hands.

Deep breaths. Deep breaths. A few moments and the pain was gone.

She needed to distract herself. She wondered who to call. 

She sent a text to Jax. 

Nothing. He was no doubt working.

Diane.

Busy with Max.

Desperate, she tried Kristina.

Nothing.

She needed her grandkids. She text Sam. 

Nothing.

Why did she try so hard? It irritated her that all these people said they would be there for her, but they never responded when she needed them, and if by some miracle they did, they criticized, patronized, and insulted her.

She knew who she should call. He would be whatever she needed.

But she couldn't do that. She wanted to, so badly. But she'd hear it from everyone all over again.

Besides he was at Sam's tonight, according to Molly. He wouldn't be at the pub anyway.

She started the car and took off toward home. About halfway there she changed her mind.


	4. Sounding the Alarm

Sounding the Alarm

______________________________

 

"Why did you bring me here, Ava?"

"Don't worry, Griffin. Julian won't be here."

They walked into Charlie's Pub, instantly feeling warmer. It was freezing outside and Ava was wearing her pumps instead of her boots. With every step, the feeling returned to her frozen feet.

"I don't understand why we couldn't grab a drink at the MetroCourt," asked Griffin.

"I'm sick of seeing Carly."

"How do you know Julian won't be here?"

"He's going to see Sam."

"I thought she didn't want anything to do with him?"

"Since he wants to talk to her about Alexis, she's making an exception."

Griffin and Ava sat at a booth on the far side of the room. Ava sat facing the door in case Julian showed up. She didn't want Griffin caught off guard.

They ordered drinks and food. Ava was taking her first sip of her beloved martini when she was caught off guard herself, but it wasn't by Julian.

What appeared to be pile of garments walked through the door. With every step closer to the bar it took, one of the pieces of fabric seemed to shed itself. After a hood, two scarfs, and a peacoat were removed, Ava realized Alexis was underneath. She watched Alexis take the corner seat at the bar.

"Oh God," said Ava.

"Is it your brother?" said Griffin, craning his neck around.

"No, I wish."

Griffin saw Alexis. "What's she doing here? I thought she hated Julian?"

"Quite the opposite, actually, despite her protestations. But seeing as how she's an alcoholic, I have a good sense as to why she's here."

Alexis was looking for the bartender who was busy with a crowd at the other end of the bar. A waitress walked up behind Alexis and Ava could hear their conversation.

"Hello, Ms. Davis. Mr. Jerome said your tab should be covered by the pub anytime you come in. Is there anything I can get you?"

"Vodka. Rocks."

"Vodka? I'll let the bartender know. Would you like any food ma'am?"

"No, thank you."

Griffin's eyebrows were raised to Ava. Ava just shrugged.

"Is there someone we should call?" whispered Griffin.

Ava shook her head, "Alexis is an adult. She is allowed to self-destruct all on her own."

"We should try to do something."

"Why?"

"Because it's the right thing to do."

Ava raised an eyebrow, questioning if the man across from her had a clue who she was.

"Ok, how about it would mean a lot to your brother?"

"Fine." Ava reluctantly pulled out her phone and called Julian.

"Voicemail," she said, hanging up.

She sent Julian a text, "Alexis is at your pub ordering vodka."

His message came back quickly, "I know. Bartender just called me. On my way. Stall her, Sis."

Ava exhaled audibly.

"What's going on?" asked Griffin.

"Julian wants me to stop Alexis from drinking until he gets here."

"That shouldn't be too hard."

"In theory, but the last time I tried to stop her from drinking, I drove her to upend the bottle into her mouth."

"I'm sure you didn't encourage her to do that."

"I agitate her."

"I'm sure she was agitated before you were there. It probably had nothing to do with you."

Ava doubted that.

"We should move quickly, before they bring her a drink," said Griffin. 

"Julian's message said the bartender already called him. I'm sure he gave instructions she shouldn't be served alcohol."

"Why are we waiting for Julian to come intervene? Isn't he the reason she started drinking in the first place?"

Ava shrugged, "Yes, but he's also the one who sobered her up."

Griffin tapped his foot impatiently, as though not stepping in to save Alexis from herself was causing him physical pain. "How could she stand to come to Julian's pub? He tried to kill her."

"No he didn't."

"He held a knife to her throat."

"Yes, well, maybe that wasn't the best way to handle our deranged sister, but he was trying to save her."

"You believe that?"

"I know you hate Julian, but one of his most redeeming virtues is his love for his family, Alexis included."

Griffin rolled his eyes, "It's hard for me to hear your brother's name and redemption in the same sentence. Or believe that he's capable of love."

Alexis was getting even more impatient than Griffin. Ava saw her waving that the bartender. The waitress who took Alexis's order was nowhere to be found. Ava thought it was probably time to step in; Julian needed to get there quick because Ava couldn't see this going well.


	5. Intervention

Intervention

________________________________

 

"Excuse me!" Alexis was trying to wave down the bartender who seemed to be willfully ignoring her. 

She grumbled to herself. She began to suspect Julian probably blacklisted her from the bar. But if that was the case, why wouldn't they just tell her they were refusing to serve her?

"Good evening, Alexis."

The muscles in Alexis's back twitched with tension and irritation. She turned to the right to find Ava and Griffin Munro standing there. She acknowledged them with a wave and turned back to hunt down the bartender.

"How've you been, Alexis? It's been a while since we've seen each other."

"That's because we're usually avoiding each other. The last time I spoke to you, Ava, I was asking for help with Julian in prison. You did nothing."

"There wasn't anything for me to do. Besides, he got out on his own, just fine."

Alexis huffed. 

Speaking of Julian, Alexis looked around. Ava may have called him to let him know she was here. 

Alexis growled in irritation. There no place for her to drink in town anymore. Between Mac, the Corinthos family, and Julian, most of the bars in town were quickly becoming off limits. 

"Excuse me," said Alexis. She stood and walked past Ava and Griffin to get behind the bar. She reached up for the Tito's. She grabbed the bottle and a glass on the way back to her seat.

"Alexis, you don't want to do that," said Griffin.

"Oh, father...doctor...whatever...I really do."

"Think of what your kids would say," said Ava.

Alexis rolled her eyes. Like her daughter's voices weren't constantly in her head holding her back. What Ava didn't realize, is thinking of her daughters was driving her to this point. 

She unscrewed the cap and poured a double. She lifted it to her lips, but she felt it pulled from her hand. Some of the liquid spilt on Alexis's blouse. The scent of the vodka filled her nose. 

Ava was holding the glass with a raise eyebrow. Alexis considered ripping the glass right back from Ava's hand. Ava must have read her mind because she shot back the drink and emptied the glass.

"I bet you enjoyed that," said Alexis, referring to both the vodka, and getting one over on Alexis. 

But Alexis still had the neck of the bottle of Tito's in her other hand. She tried lifting it to her lips, but it wouldn't move. Neither Griffin nor Ava were touching the bottle. Alexis looked down to find another hand holding the bottom of the bottle. 

She recognized that hand. She warmed like she was the one who took the shot. The hand was attached to an arm reaching around from behind her. She saw the counterpart to that hand gripping the bar on her other side. The body they belonged to was right behind her. 

The scent of the man drowned out the smell of the vodka. She leaned back only an inch or two and came into contact with his chest. She could feel his breath on her temple. 

"Let it go," he whispered in her ear. The deep rumbling of his voice made her loosen her grip. He spoke again, "Thank you, Ava." He handed Ava the bottle.

"Good luck," Ava said to her brother, as she left with the doctor-priest and the booze.

Julian gently nuzzled Alexis's hair. She could feel his chest rise as he inhaled her. 

"Alexis," he exhaled.

She couldn't speak, but felt her body relax back into him. 

"Mmm," he growled. One of his arms wrapped around her grabbing her by the opposite arm. Her chair twirled as he pulled her body around to face him.

And there he was, looking at her in that way he did. Like she was his personal sunrise. Like she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. Like no matter how much she messed up, he'd never think any less of her. 

His hands cupped her face. "What are you doing, Alexis?" Worry permeated his expression. 

She felt tears well in her eyes. She couldn't speak or they'd start falling. She just shook her head.

"Let me take you home."

She tried to close her eyes. It might be easier to deny him if she wasn't looking in his loving eyes. But her lids stayed open and her head nodded. 

God she wanted him to take her home. It was so easy to forget everything when she was with him. 

His arms wrapped around her, hugging her close, holding her steady. Feeling secure in his arms, she let the tears fall. 

He tucked her in the crook of his arm as he led her outside to his car. He ushered her over the icy road, to the front seat, and even helped buckle her in. She shivered only a moment before he got the car fired up and turned the heater on. She warmed further when he took her hand in his.

Julian drove as quick as he could on the slick, icy roads. Thankfully the plow scraped the street not too long before. 

"Thank you, Julian."

He answered by bringing her hand to his lips and kissing it gently. 

"Ava called you?" asked Alexis.

"Yes, and my bartender."

"I thought you'd be with Sam tonight."

"She didn't have much to say to me. Besides, getting to you was the most important thing."

"Molly said you went to talk about me."

"I've been worried about you. I didn't want to bother you after the wedding, so I was hoping Sam would check in and you and make sure you're ok."

"Sam is getting ready to go on a honeymoon. She shouldn't have to worry about me."

"She let me hold Scout for a minute. Danny was happy to see me."

Alexis was surprised. Sam must have been feeling generous.

Julian had to slow around curves more than he normally would with the ice on the street. He quietly maneuvered the drive home, his thumb caressing circles on her palm.

"Why did you choose my pub?"

Alexis laughed to herself. "I don't know. Probably because I knew you'd find a way to stop me. I came up with a million reasons why I couldn't just ask you to help."

"You can always ask me for help. No strings attached."

"I know."

"What happened? What triggered you?"

"Everything. Nothing. I lost a client. I've have headaches the past couple of days. Kristina won't talk to me. Molly's chronically upset with me. My friends have all taken to lecturing me."

"I know how effective lecturing you is."

They chuckled.

"They do it out of love," said Julian.

"I know. I was just done. I didn't want to feel anything anymore. That's what it is every time I'm tempted to drink. It's the need to escape. Some people in AA talk about how the alcohol makes them feel. Not me. I love how it makes me not feel."

"Does that really work? I would think it'd be an unreliable way to numb yourself."

"Yes, but if I drink enough, I don't remember anything the next day, so I can delude myself into thinking it worked."

"Do you still want to drink?"

"Not right this moment."

"Why not?"

Alexis didn't speak. She was afraid to tell him the effect he had on her. 

He just kept tracing circles on her palm as they drove home. When they made it to her place, he escorted her up the walk, took her keys from her, and opened the door.

"Oh dear God, Alexis. It's freezing in here," said Julian. 

"I must have turned the heater off." Alexis watched her breath visible as she spoke. 

"How about you get the heat on, and I'll start a fire?"

Alexis nodded in agreement. She flipped on the heat and went to the kitchen to heat some tea. The chill and her nerves made her spill some tea. 

When she finally got the hot tea in two mugs she forced herself to take a steadying breath before going to the living room to see Julian.

He was squatting by the fireplace with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows while he maneuvered the wood to catch the best flame. His muscles were easy to see through his pale, blue, collared shirt.

Two years ago, she was free to run her hands over those muscles whenever she liked. Two years ago, they were making wedding plans.

She often wondered if she would have chosen to be with Julian again if she knew their future. Everyday she came up with a different answer. Tonight, there was no doubt she'd do it again.

"There we go," said Julian, standing and dusting off his hands. "You should be warm in no time."

"Thank you. Here. Have some tea. Maybe this will speed the process."

Julian took the tea, smirking.

"What?" asked Alexis.

"It's nothing." He still had a smile on his face.

"You're clearly enjoying yourself."

"I was just thinking when we were married I would've come up with a few other ways of warming you up."

Her eyebrows shot up. "Oh?"

"I'd start with thawing us out in that tub, then move on to other things."

Alexis flushed. She wondered if he knew his words would heat her up more than the fire.

"But the tea is nice, considering the other stuff is out of the question," said Julian, with a quiet chuckle. "Right?"

Alexis sat on the couch close to the fire. "Right," she said quietly.

Julian sat next to her.

"Thank you, again," said Alexis. "For this. For earlier."

"You haven't found a sponsor yet?"

"No. After my last sponsor..."

"Yeah, sorry about that."

They sipped their tea.

"Do you want me to go, Alexis? I don't want to make this harder on you."

The words tumbled out of her mouth before she even had a thought to censor them, "No. Please stay. Being alone didn't work out well for me today." She thought of her headaches. "I mean, unless you want to leave."

"I don't. I'd like to be here for you. With you."

Alexis put her cup down on the coffee table. She shrugged out of her jacket. With the fire, the heater, the tea, and the proximity to Julian, she was starting to warm.

Julian set his empty mug down, too. "I want to be whatever you need."

Julian had a loving, pleading look in his eyes. The automatic thoughts fighting her desire for the man in front of her started parading around in her head. They took on the voices of Diane, Sam, and Molly, "he hurt you...he's dangerous...he's why you drink...your girls won't forgive you...he'll destroy you again."

She shook her head to clear the noise. In their place she silently fought back, her heart pleading, "he loves me more than anyone ever has...he's changed for me...he was protecting me...he's the reason I got sober...he took a bullet for me, gave his life for me." 

She returned his look of longing, and her heart begged with every beat in her chest, "It's him or the booze. Being without him is too painful. You don't want to do it anymore. You need him or the drink."

Without speaking a word, Alexis closed the gap between them and kissed him. His face was stiff in her hands. Her lips caressed his unmoving mouth. He wasn't breathing, she couldn't even feel his heart beating. 

Alexis slowed, uncertain of his response. A stab of fear of rejection pierced her heart. But she couldn't separate herself, not when their lips were touching. 

She ran her tongue across the seam of his mouth. A deep, needy groan emanated from his chest. His mouth opened and his tongue met hers. His arms wrapped around her and a hand tangled in her hair. Now she could feel his heart beating. She could hear it racing in tandem with hers. 

She felt gravity shift and was laid back on the couch. His familiar weight pressed on top of her. She unbuttoned his shirt and was unzipping his pants when she felt him hesitate.

"Alexis," he said. Her mouth covered his to stop him from talking, from thinking. She pulled her body against him and he grinded against her. His hand lifted her skirt and grabbed a handful flesh, squeezing her ass, pulling her against him.

Again, he hesitated.

"No, Alexis. Wait. Please." He pulled himself up, breath ragged. He propped himself over her looking down at her like it was torture to keep his lips off her.

"Julian, please. I need you right now. You said you wanted to be what I need. This is what I need."

"Why?"

Alexis pulled at his open shirt trying to get him to lower himself back down to her, "I want you. Don't you want me?"

He closed his eyes and laughed, "You have no idea."

"Then stop talking and kiss me."

Julian ran his hand over her forehead and down her cheek. He lowered himself and kissed her sweetly. The he pulled back and asked, "Tell me, sweetheart, why do you need this right now?"

"Because you make it go away."

"Make what go away?"

"The emptiness! The anxiety! The gaping hole I try to fill with booze or..."

"Or what?"

"I don't know. Anything. Work. Ice cream."

Julian bent down to kiss her forehead, then pulled back to sit up, bringing her with him. She tried to back away, embarrassed, ashamed, but his arm was still around her and he held her close.

"Tell me more," he said.

"Like what?"

"Like why there's a hole. Did I put it there? Is that why you're trying to have sex with me? To fill a hole I made in you."

Alexis sighed. "Yes...No."

"Which is it?" he laughed.

She laughed, too, for a moment. But a grave look took over her face. "The emptiness was there long before I met you. I think Helena and Mikkos put it there. Helena stole the most loving person in my life from me. Sliced her throat right in front of me."

She looked at Julian. He winced, no doubt thinking of what he did to her with that same knife. 

"And Mikkos?" Julian asked.

"I spent the rest of my childhood with a father, who I thought was an uncaring uncle. He hardly noticed my existence."

Julian's hand rubbed her back, supporting her, comforting her. "So this emptiness is the love you've been missing from your parents?"

Alexis nodded. "I've tried to fill it over the years. With family, work...you. On occassion, I seem to think it's worked."

"Like when we were married."

She nodded, "Like when I found my little sister after decades apart. Like when I found out Who Sam was to me. When you saved Danny's life. 

"But the emptiness is never really filled. It's like this chasm that gets bigger and deeper with every heartache I suffer."

"Like when I...?" Julian's voice faltered.

"Yes. Like when you held the knife to my throat. Or when my sister was killed."

"And the drinking?"

"I drink to avoid the painful existential loneliness."

"So you kissed me not to feel empty?"

"You distract me from it better than the alcohol. Besides, you won't let me drink, so I had to find some way to feel better."

He smiled. "I'm glad you think I'm a better option than the booze..."

"But?"

"But, Alexis, sweetheart, I can't let this happen knowing your using it to try to fill an unfillable hole. Sex with me won't bring back your mother or give you a decent father. Making love to you means something more to me than feeling good."

"Julian..."

"What if you woke up ashamed of what you did with me? I'd hate it if you felt that way about making love to me."

Alexis couldn't find an argument. 

"Not to mention, the last time we made love, I thought it was the start of us getting back together. It broke my heart when you said it was goodbye. I can't do that again."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to be about using you. I thought you'd want this." The shame and embarrassment made her flush and try to pull away again. Julian wouldn't let her go.

"Alexis, the next time we make love, I want you to be sure of me. I want you to be proud of waking up next to me. I want you to have sex with me for the sake of making love, not filling a hole."

Alexis buried her face in her hands. Tears ran down her cheeks.

"Sweetheart, don't cry. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. You're absolutely right." She sniffled. 

"Who would of thought?" he joked. 

Alexis stood up and walked to get Julian's coat. It was her favorite navy peacoat he always wore. She held it out to him. "Here. I'm sorry for tonight. For going to the pub, for all this. You deserve better."

"I'll never deserve you, but I'll endeavor to keep trying. You want me to leave?"

"You made it clear you don't want to be here."

"No, I made it clear I want to make love to you when you're ready to make love to me back. I didn't say I wanted to leave."

She narrowed her eyes, "You want to stay and make sure I don't drink, don't you?"

Julian grabbed his coat from her hands and threw it back on the chair. "No, I want stay and support you while you make sure you don't drink. There's a difference."

"Semantics."

"It matters. You might not want to hear it, but...I love you. I want to be here for you. This is part of me proving I can be what you need, instead of just taking what I want."

Alexis didn't know what to say.

"Come on, Alexis. I'm trying to think of you here," he laughed.

She laughed, too. Then she stood staring at him. She reached out a hand. "I don't want to be alone. I think about all the wrong things when I'm alone."

Julian pulled her in for a hug. "I'm here, sweetheart. Let's fill your head with more pleasant things."

Alexis knew allowing this was pure wish fulfillment. She didn't want to have to think about whether or not Julian could be what she needed him to be in the long run.. But he could be what she needed tonight. 

She wasn't ready to be entirely emotionally healthy tonight. She was just trying not to hunt down another bottle.

Julian sat down with Alexis cradled in his arms. As he ran his fingers through her hair, she remembered all the reasons she fell in love with him. For once, she didn't force her memories away. She didn't shame herself for loving a man who cared about her that much. She just let herself be loved and tried not to think about all the reasons that was such a bad thing.


	6. The Novelty of Familiarity

The Novelty of Familiarity

_________________________________________

 

Pain ran down Julian's back knocking the wind out of him. And his left arm had been asleep for hours. He was honestly afraid of causing damage to it if he didn't move. 

In spite of the pain, his primary reason for no sleep was he didn't want to miss a moment of having Alexis in his arms. He didn't know if this would ever happen again, so he wanted to imprint every sensation in his brain, from the smell of her hair, to the warmth of her skin, to the sound of her breath racing in and out of her lungs.

In order to spare his back and his arm, and for the sake of the comfort of the beautiful woman lying on top of him, he decided to take her to bed. It was hardly any effort to lift Alexis, cradling her to carry her upstairs. With the feeling returning to his arm, it took him a moment to gather his bearings. Her arms unconsciously wrapped around his neck, but she didn't wake.

He brought her to her room. Their room. He laid her down on the bed and covered her with the blankets. He was pleased to see little had changed in their room in the years he'd been gone. Part of him feared she'd do everything she could to wipe out the memories of him.

But she didn't. She'd been holding on, just as he was. 

Julian couldn't help himself; he lay next to her. A few strands of hair covered her face. Gently, he moved them aside. He kissed her softly on the cheek. He was tempted to kiss her lovely pink lips, but he restrained himself, uncertain if that would be welcome any longer.

After a few more gluttonous moments of consuming all he could in good conscience of this most perfect woman, he turned to roll out of the bed and leave the room. Where he would go, he didn't know. He thought of using a guest room, flinching at the idea of sleeping on the couch. Leaving was out of the question; she'd asked him to stay, and he'd do anything she asked.

As he rolled away, a hand reached out for his arm. A sleepy-eyed Alexis was looking up at him.

"You're going?" she whispered.

"Only if you want me to," he said.

She pulled at him gently in response. Julian nodded. He kicked off his shoes, pulled off his shirt, and stood to remove his pants, leaving on just his underwear. Then, out of habit, he walked to the other side of the bed, his side, and got in under the blankets.

Alexis was taking off her clothes, as well. She removed everything but her panties and a camisole. 

Julian lay back on the pillows, arms open for the love of his life. She curled into him, resting her head and her hand on his chest. His arms were tight around her, stroking her soft, brown hair.

He tried his best to fight sleep, wanting this moment to last forever. He forced himself to be as much of a gentleman as possible, but with nothing but the delicate silk separating his hands from her soft curves, he couldn't help but let them roam. 

A jolt of adrenaline helped him stay awake a few more moments when he felt Alexis's lips briefly on his chest. He kissed the crown of her head, and a contented sound came from her mouth.

But the comfort of being in their room, in their soft bed, with their cozy sheets and expensive pillows, and the familiarity of being tangled up with the only woman he ever called wife, left him feeling so sated, that he couldn't fight sleep any longer. He drifted off to the sound of their breath synchronizing, and their hearts beating together.


	7. Talking

Talking

______________________________

 

The most beautiful dreams filled Julian's subconscious the in hours that past in Alexis's bed. The dreams didn't have to go far for inspiration, but rather used Julian's last surroundings as the scene, and the two people in those last moments in the starring roles. 

The last dream pleasantly woke him up with a start. Julian's eyes flew open. He felt flush with arousal. It took him a moment to realize where he was. 

When he remembered the night before, he reached out his hand to feel for Alexis. She was gone. 

"Alexis?" he called. There was no answer.

He stood up and looked around for his clothes. They were folded neatly over the chair. He put them on quickly, and went downstairs to find her.

"Alexis?" he called. 

"Good morning." She was standing in the doorway to the kitchen holding two cups of coffee.

"Good morning. How are you?"

She smirked, "Well. You?"

"Very well."

They stared at each other smiling for a moment. Julian felt himself starting to flush.

"Here," said Alexis. She handed him a cup of coffee.

"Thank you."

They both sipped from their cups.

"Do you want to talk about last night?" Julian asked.

Alexis flushed and nodded. "I don't know why it's so hard to talk sometimes."

"I know the feeling."

"You have a hard time talking?" She looked surprised. Julian realized she must think he said anything that came to mind.

He took a deep breath and decided to be honest, "I sometimes feel like I've lost the right to say what I think, like my opinion shouldn't matter because of everything I've done."

Alexis pursed her lips. "I can see why you feel that way. I can see how I contributed to you feeling that way."

"I also keep quiet sometimes because I'm afraid to say the wrong thing."

"Are you afraid I'll get mad?"

"No, I'm afraid I'll trigger you to drink."

"How so?"

"The first thought I had when I came to this morning was whether or not you still wanted to drink. I was nervous about asking because I'm afraid of patronizing you. But I also don't want to ignore the elephant in the room."

Alexis sat down at the table.

"No, I don't want to drink this morning."

"What's the difference between last night and this morning?"

She took a deep breath, "I can see beyond the emptiness. The desperation is gone."

"How did that happen?"

A coy smile lifted the corners of her mouth. Julian waited for her to answer, but she didn't. Julian sat at the corner of the table.

"I told you why I hold back my thoughts. Why do you hold back?" he asked.

She gave the little smile once more. "I have a lot of conflicting feelings. I'm afraid to say something I'd regret later."

"Why would you regret it?"

She shook her head avoiding answering.

"Do you regret me, Alexis? Not counting Sam. I know you don't regret making Sam. Do you regret what came after?"

"Sometimes yes. But mostly no."

"Right now? Do you regret me?"

"No. No regrets right now."

There were no coy smiles for Julian; a broad grin was spread over his face. "I like this talking thing."

Alexis mirrored his expression, "Me too...Maybe..." she cut herself off.

Julian reached over and grabbed her hand, encouraging her to go on.

"Maybe we ask for some help. You know? Help us talk things through."

That caught Julian off guard. "Like therapy?"

She nodded. "I met a therapist recently. He tried to get me to come in. He could see right through me."

Julian pondered the idea. "I guess if anyone needed therapy it would be us. To tell you the truth, I've never been real fond of the idea."

"Me neither, honestly. I pride myself in having pretty good insight. It might be a waste of time."

"Maybe."

"Or maybe not."

Julian picked up her hand and brought it to his lips. "You don't know what it means to me to think there might be a chance for us."

She nodded. "Thank you for stopping me last night. From, you know..."

"Drinking?"

"Yes, and stopping the sex. You were right, I would've regret it this morning. Instead, I feel good today. I feel better than I've felt in a while. And that's surprising, considering how awful I felt last night."

"Anytime, Alexis. Every time."


	8. Catastrophizing

Catastrophizing

______________________________________

 

A sleeping baby made the word peaceful. A sleeping grandchild made living worthwhile. Alexis held Scout in her arms as she rode up the elevator. The baby's rhythmic breathing was better than meditation. 

The worry on her mind was if she should tell Sam she spent the last hour and a half at the pub letting Julian spend time with their granddaughter. It was probably best to keep that bit of information to herself. 

Sam and Drew were getting ready to go on their honeymoon. They were catching a plane tomorrow to Costa Rica. 

Alexis breathed a sigh of relief that it was Drew her daughter chose. Not Jason. She couldn't imagine Danny or Scout in constant danger living under the same roof as Jason.

The elevator opened and Alexis stepped out. She walked to the door to Sam and Drew's apartment. She knocked quietly, not wanting to wake Scout. 

There was no answer. Alexis thought it best to just open it with her spare key rather than rap vigorously on the door. It took a bit of balancing, but she was finally able to let herself in.

The scene in front of her stunned and mortified her. She would have let out a yell if Scout wouldn't have been in her arms. 

"Sam!" she said quietly but forcefully.

Her eldest child was straddling Jason on the couch. Half their clothes were spread across the room. Alexis's first instinct was to run away from finding her daughter in such an intimate moment (one her daughter once found she and Julian a few years ago). But she couldn't bear the thought of Sam with Jason and the danger it put her and the children in.

"Mom!" Sam scrambled to find her clothes.

"Shhh!" Alexis pointed at Scout. Alexis motioned that she was going to go put her to bed. She left Sam and Jason still scrambling.

When Alexis came down, Jason was gone and Sam was sitting on the couch with her face in her hands.

"Do you want to talk about it?" asked Alexis.

"Not really," said Sam.

Alexis just sat by her daughter and put an arm around her.

"I'm the worst person in the world," said Sam. "I haven't even been married a week."

"I slept with Ned the entire time I was married to Jax."

Sam gave a small laugh.

"You're not going to lecture me?" asked Sam.

"That never works out well for me. Besides, I'm not all that fond of lectures myself. I'm trying to empathize."

"Thank you."

"Where's Drew?"

"ELQ meeting."

"Jason opted out of that, huh?"

Sam laughed again.

Alexis looked at her watch. She didn't want to be late for her first therapy appointment. She still had plenty of time.

"You need to be somewhere?" asked Sam. "You don't have to stay."

"I have an appointment, but I don't have to leave yet."

"Is this for your headaches?"

"My headaches? Molly talked to you?"

Sam nodded.

"No, not for the headaches. I'm starting therapy."

"Therapy? Really?"

"Yep."

"Because of Julian? That was one hell of a kiss at my wedding."

"It was, wasn't it?"

"You're not getting back together with him, are you?"

"I don't know, Sam. That's why we're going to therapy. We need to see if I can trust him again."

Sam shook her head, "Wait, you're going to couples therapy? With my father?"

Alexis just nodded.

"Wow," said Sam. "I don't envy you."

"Why's that?"

"You're going to have to talk about the worst parts of your life. Julian trying to kill you, probably some childhood stuff. Helena and Mikkos couldn't have been a good model for a stable, healthy marriage."

At the mention of Mikkos, Alexis saw a memory, clear as day of Mikkos in the room, having her drugged while Sam was taken away. Alexis cringed as pain rolled through her head.

"Mom, are you ok?"

"I'm fine. Just a bad memory."

"See what I mean. I'd hate to sit and talk about all the hardest parts of my life. I've worked hard to put them in the past."

Alexis was still recovering from the pain and the emotion drain that just seemed to wash over her. "Yes, but Sam, if you don't work through them, they come out in ways you mind not foresee."

"Like almost having sex with my ex-husband only days after marrying my current husband?"

Alexis just nodded.

"Mom, what if the therapist tells you Julian is wrong for you? Will you finally dump him and move on?"

"I don't know, Sam. The therapist isn't the one that needs to be convinced. I do."

"Well, let me know if the therapist is any good. I might need my own marriage counseling soon."

Alexis laughed, but the thought of Sam going to see Dr. Castro gave her irrational and intense feelings of hope and despair. She had no thoughts that connected the strange feelings washing over her with the thought of Sam in therapy.

She tried her best to hide the confusion from Sam.

A text from Julian came in. He was done at the pub whenever she was ready.

____________________________

 

"How is Sam?" Julian asked, driving them to their appointment. 

"She ok. She's having her struggles, but she's a strong girl."

Julian nodded. "Thank you for bringing Scout by today. She's the sweetest person I've ever met in my life."

"She's already fond of grandpa."

Julian stole glances at Alexis, "Are you ok, Alexis?"

"I'm fine, why?"

"You don't look fine."

Alexis fidgeted in her seat. "I'm a little nervous about talking to a stranger about us."

"Me too. I was just talking to Ava about it. I'm afraid he'll hear what happened and tell you to run in the opposite direction. What are you worried about?"

"I'm not sure." Alexis didn't see it coming, but a tear dripped down her cheek. She wiped it away before Julian could see. Anxiety built with every mile closer they drove.


	9. Therapy

Therapy

___________________________________

 

Cristian watched the couple in front of him. Tears were building in the woman's lovely, brown eyes. She stared out the window, avoiding the gaze of the two men in the room. 

He couldn't explain it, but he was drawn to this woman. When he first saw her at the wedding, warmth filled him when she shook his hand. And at the hospital, when she nearly collapsed on him, he felt compelled to take care of her. To protect her.

He'd have to monitor that countertransference throughout their therapy. 

She was holding the sides of her head as if she was in pain, much like when they were at the hospital. Cristian recognized the deep breaths she took to calm herself as diaphragmatic breathing. He wondered where she learned the skill.

Her partner sat next to her on the same couch, eyes downcast to the floor. His arms crossed in front of him. A frown played across his face. He hadn't moved to even breath since walking in the room.

The woman sniffled as a tear spilled onto her cheek. At the sound of her distress, the man popped up, facing her. His hands reached to her face beckoning her to look at him. When their eyes met, his facade cracked, and the pain he so carefully kept at bay was evident in every line of his face.

Cristian noted, her pain was his pain. Cristian warmed to the man at his affection for the woman.

Cristian watched as the man wiped the tear from her cheek. The man held her face in his hands and whispered, "Are you sure about this?"

She responded with an almost imperceptible nod. He leaned forward and kissed her lightly on the forehead, then sat back in his seat.

"Let's get this started," said the man.

"As you wish, Mr. Jerome. Ms. Davis," said Cristian.

"Please, Dr. Castro, call me Alexis."

"Of course, Alexis. But only if you call me Cristian."

"Thank you, Cristian."

"Call me Julian," said the man. 

"All I know of why the two of you are seeking therapy is what you wrote on the paperwork you completed before coming in. It said you were previously married, but now divorced, and you want to see if you can rebuild a healthier relationship."

"That's right," said Julian.

"Does that mean you perceive your relationship up to this point as unhealthy?"

"Undoubtedly," interjected Alexis. Her tone was firm. Julian's face knotted involuntarily.

He must have hurt her. Terribly. "Tell me what you think I should know," said Cristian.

Alexis was doing the deep breathing again, but at least it looked the pain was easing. Julian took that as his cue. "Look, I'm sure you've seen all the crap in the news about us a couple of years ago..."

"Actually, no. I just moved here from California. I don't have any idea what you're talking about. Were you in the news?"

Alexis laughed, but her face held no joy.

"You could say that," said Julian. 

"Please, fill me in."

Now it was Julian's turn to take a deep breath. "Before we tell you anything, you need to know Alexis is the love of my life. Everything I've done in the past four years has been out of love for her. Even if it doesn't appear that way. She's always been my number one."

Julian fidgeted in his seat, coming to rest in the closed off position of his arms crossed in front of him.

Cristian waited for one of them to continue, but neither spoke. He tried not to get irritated. They were paying customers, after all, and if they wanted to spend their money sitting on the couch saying nothing, then this would be an easy couple hundred for him to make.

But Cristian didn't like wasting time. His time or his patients' time.

"Should I google you?" he asked, knowing he'd get a rise out of the defensive man in front of him.

"No! For God's sake, no," said Julian. Julian unlocked his arms and leaned forward in his seat. "Look, I met Alexis a few decades ago. When we were young, we had one night together, then didn't see each other for decades. When we met again four years ago, I found out she had my baby, and I was an instant father and grandfather. My world was turned upside down. I fell in with love them. Everything I've done since then has been to protect them. I swear."

"Julian, why would Alexis and the rest of your family need protection?"

Alexis turned to look at Julian. She had an eyebrow raised in expectation. 

"Because...because I was the head of a crime family. My enemies have been targeting my family for years. They've repeatedly threatened and harmed Alexis and my children in order to control me. They made me do terrible things."

"Such as?"

Julian shook his head and smashed his lips together. He looked as though he'd rather swallow knives than answer the question. 

Alexis reached her hand over and placed in on Julian's thigh. "Julian," she whispered. 

He audibly exhaled. "The latest of my enemies wanted Alexis dead. She wanted me to do it. She threatened to kill all my children if I didn't do it."

Julian buried his face in his hands. "I made Alexis believe I was upset, hurt, angry at her. I held a knife to her throat and threatened her."

Cristian raised his eyebrows in surprise. 

"Look, it was a ruse! I'd never really harm her. I just had to make everyone believe it was what I intended. I love her more than anything in this world! I swear to God!"

"It seems important to you that I believe your story," said Cristian.

"That's why we're here, isn't it? So you can fix us. How can you fix us if you don't know the truth?"

Cristian shook his head, "whether or not I believe you matters a lot less than whether or not Alexis believes you."

Cristian turned to Alexis, and looked at her for an answer. She was puckering her lips, as though she was contemplating how much she wanting to share.

"Yes, I believe him."

"Then why do you think you need me?" asked Cristian.

"It's not his intentions I ever doubt, it's the destruction he leaves in his wake."

"You must love him dearly to be here after all he's done to you."

She pursed her lips again. She loved him. Cristian was certain.

"Usually relationships with this much chaos aren't one-sided in their destruction," said Cristian.

"That's true," said Alexis.

"You've never done anything to hurt me, Alexis," said Julian.

Alexis shook her head in disagreement. Now it was her turn to cross her arms in front of her.

Cristian lifted his palms in exasperation. Patience was not a virtue he possessed in large quantities.

Alexis inhaled some courage to speak. "I stabbed him in the back with the same knife he held to my throat, and I ran him over with my car when I was drunk."

Julian reached an arm out in front of Alexis, as though he was protecting her from a car accident. He interjected, "She thought I was trying to kill her, so stabbing me doesn't count. And she thought the car was in reverse when she ran me over. She didn't want to hurt me. She called the ambulance right away."

"Right before I fled the scene."

Cristian realized his mouth was hanging open. He shook his head to try to regain some semblance of objectivity. He made a mental note of Julian making excuses for both his and her behavior.

"Sweetheart," said Julian, "you shouldn't have confessed all that. You know he's taking notes."

"He's bound by confidentiality. If he ever told anyone it would be inadmissible in court."

"Not if the judge issued a court order."

Cristian cut in, "I don't make notes of my patients' crimes. It makes them much easier to forget if I should ever be called to the stand."

"Thank you for your discretion," said Alexis. 

Cristian noticed Julian flexing his fists in his lap. Knowing Julian was a former crime boss, Cristian assumed Julian was probably holding back threats of retribution should Cristian divulge anything about Alexis's wrongdoing. 

"What are you hoping couples therapy will do for you?" asked Cristian. 

"Stop the destruction," said Alexis. "I want my family safe, and I want to stop hurting."

"And apparently, you want all that with Julian."

Julian looked tentatively at Alexis.

She nodded.

"So, as I said," continued Cristian, "you must really love each other to want to sort through all that to be together."

Julian held Alexis's hand in both of his.

"Why?" asked Cristian.

"Pardon?" said Alexis.

"Why do you love each other that much? An outsider looking in might say it'd be easier to start over with someone new. Blank slate. What has you two so in love, that it's worth risking your lives to be together? Why would you want to be with someone who nearly killed you?"

Julian looked like he was trying to figure out if he wanted to be angry or anxious. His musings were interrupted by Alexis who laughed out loud. Julian didn't share her amusement, rather turned to her in concern.

It took a moment for Alexis to calm down. 

"Was my question comical?" asked Cristian.

"No," said Alexis, "it was tragic. Brutal. A question I've asked myself a million times."

Julian deflated. Sadness stole over his face. His shoulders turned into himself. 

Cristian felt terrible for the guy. So many times in couples therapy, the couple came in hoping to fix a failed relationship, but what they'd find out, was the relationship was dead a long time ago, and the therapy was about coming to terms with that. He wondered if this would be one of those couples.

"I divide my love for Julian into two parts," said Alexis. "The first part is all the stuff I love about him. I love how much he cares for his children, his grandchildren. He's intelligent, confident, witty. He's beautiful. There is nothing that stands in his way when he decides he wants something. And he tries, so hard, in spite of a dark childhood, to better himself. To be a good man."

With each of her words, Cristian watched Julian's sadness lessen. Where moments before, despair was setting in, hope glimmered in his eyes.

"And the second part of your love for him?" asked Cristian.

"It's the way me makes me feel. The way he loves me. His absolute devotion to me. No one has ever made me feel so precious, so necessary, so damn sexy. And he can make me feel that way with just a look in his eyes.

"Look, doctor, I'll bypass you having to figure me out. My father had no love for me. He was a dark and dangerous man. Throughout my life, I've had attraction for dark and dangerous men, probably trying to fill that hole. 

"But the better part of me craved more. None of the men I cared for could give me more than what my father did.

"Until Julian. Julian wants to be better. He wants to change for me, for his family.

"I've forgiven his lies and his violence over and over, because for periods of time he is better, he has changed. And in those periods, I've never been happier or more fulfilled. I've never felt such bliss than under his doting admiration. I'm just so damn scared that this period will end, and I'll be destroyed yet again."

Cristian realized he was leaning so far forward in his seat, he might drop off the chair. He consciously leaned back, forcing himself to relax and process what he just heard.

"Alexis..." Julian lowered his head to rest his forehead on her hand he was still holding in both of his. "Alexis..." He looked up with tears in his eyes, gently took her by the shoulders, and kissed her.

Cristian could see Mr. Jerome had no issues with shame or embarrassment or public displays of affection. Cristian found himself blushing a little at the scene. He'd be lying if said he wasn't moved.

When their lips broke apart, Julian spoke to Alexis as though Cristian wasn't there. "I love you, Alexis. I love everything about you. You're strength, your vulnerabilities, your intelligence. No one is as smart, as clever, or as kind as you.

"When I saw you at the bar all those years ago, and when we finally met again, you changed my life. I look at you, and your beauty resonates deep in my bones. 

"Alexis, I love your selflessness. You're a defender of the helpless. A protector of your family. A guardian of everything good. I can't express the gratitude and pride I felt all those times you stood up for me when everyone else was against me.

"I can't believe you fell in love me. Thank you for helping me understand why you did."

He kissed her again.

Now Cristian really felt like he was intruding. Though the conscientious human in him wanted to sneak out the door and give them their privacy, the clinician in him observed everything he could, and tucked the information away for future reference.

Alexis was the first one to remember they weren't alone. Flush filled her cheeks when she looked at Cristian.

"Sorry," she said.

Julian didn't apologize. Rather, it seemed as though Julian was trying to look at Cristian, but some sort of magnetic force was drawing his eyes back to Alexis.

"That was quite beautiful," said Cristian. "I think I have a better idea of what we're working with."

"Is there hope for us, doc?" asked Julian.

"You can answer that question better than I can at this point."

Julian looked at Alexis who was smiling softly. "Then there's hope."


	10. A Night on Charles Street

A Night on Charles Street

_________________________________________

 

"I'll just run in and get a few things before we go to your place," said Julian. He unlocked the door and let Alexis in to his apartment above Charlie's Pub.

"Wow," said Alexis. "I wasn't expecting this."

Julian smiled, pleased Alexis approved.

"It's bigger than I thought. And more modern. It hardly looks like the same building as the pub."

"Well, after being in prison, I didn't want to live in a confined space any longer. And I missed certain amenities."

"The pub business must be doing well."

Julian chuckled, "It is doing well. But remember, sweetheart, I just sold off a multimillion dollar media company. Not to mention, I have decades of offshore capital accruing interest I could live on for several lifetimes. The pub may be a modest way to make a living, but neither my family nor I will ever want for anything."

Alexis nodded, making her way through the apartment. She was moving tentatively, as though worried she would disturb something. Julian loved seeing her in his place, amongst his things. Ava was the only other person he knew who'd even seen his apartment.

"Make yourself at home, sweetheart." Julian walked up behind her and took her purse and her coat, laying them on the love seat. "Do you want some tea or coffee?"

"No, I'm fine. Thank you." Alexis moved to the large window facing Charles St. She peered up craning her neck. "That's Molly's place."

"I told you, I've been keeping an eye on her. Aside from a few exceptions, her schedule is pretty routine. It'd be easy to see if something out of the ordinary were happening."

"This whole situation worries me."

"I know, sweetheart. I'm planning on stepping up security. I'm interviewing some firms. When I get one hired, I'll have them watch out for her."

"Don't you know people who do security?" she smirked.

"Not anyone I should be associating with if I've cleaned up my life. I have to do this the old fashioned way these days. Unfortunately, the help is not as good. They work in unions and you can't hold them accountable for messing up the way I'm used to."

"Everything at a cost, huh?"

She turned, apparently startled to find him right in front of her. In that close proximity, desire flooded through him. She was so beautiful, with those dark eyes. Her self-confidence was sexy as hell. His eyes ran down her body; memories filtered through his mind of her bare skin and curves now hidden by her winter clothes. 

She smiled, "Don't look at me like that, Julian. You're making abstinence difficult."

"If you don't want me looking at you this way, then you shouldn't look the way you do."

She rested her head on his chest. His arms wrapped around her. "Don't worry, Alexis. I won't ruin it this time. I know we have some work to do before we go there. I just can't help appreciating the sexy woman standing in my apartment."

"You might have the self-restraint, but that's an area I've been struggling with the last couple of years."

"Ok, I'll blindfold myself then. But you're not allowed to shower, because you smell good enough to eat."

She laughed.

"I'll just get my things and take you home."

"How about we stay here? You can take me home in the morning."

"You want to stay?" he couldn't help his grin. It was a byproduct of the giddy, bubbling feeling emanating out of him.

"Yeah. If that's ok. I like the idea of us being close to Molly. She'd kill me if she knew I was here."

"Then little has changed in four years."

They laughed.

"Let me get you something comfortable to change into." He couldn't wait to see her dressed in his clothes again. And he couldn't wait for the day he'd be able to take them off.

When she came back from changing, his jaw dropped. She looked even more adorable in his t-shirt than he remembered. Her larger than life personality often compensated for her small size. But swimming in his t-shirt reminded him how small she was. 

He almost didn't want her to get into bed with him because he wouldn't be able to see those sexy legs under the blankets.

But she did crawl into bed with him. And though the sight of those legs was taken from him, he could sure as hell feel them.

"Julian!" she thumped him on the chest, laughing. Clearly she must have noticed his growing anatomy. 

"Alexis, I'll behave myself. I promise, but you can't fault me for that. My body is responding to the stimulus you're providing."

"So, it's my fault?"

Julian looked down to her eyes. "This is where I'm supposed to show my growth and take personal responsibility, right?"

She nodded, eyebrow raised in anticipation.

"Yeah, no. Alexis, this is entirely your fault for looking and feeling so damn good."

He pulled her in tight.

"How do you think it went tonight?" she asked.

"Considering you're in my bed tonight, I'd say it went pretty damn well."

"I'm being serious."

Julian took the playfulness out of his tone, "So am I."

Alexis propped herself on her arm to get a better look at him. "Thank you for being honest in there. I think we're headed down a good path."

"Me too."

"What did you think of Cristian?"

"It's a little early to tell. But he seems pretty good."

"I like him. I get a good feeling from him."

That surprised Julian. "Really, it looked like the sight of him made you miserable."

"No, that was the headache I got right when I saw him. Once it passed I felt this warmth every time he spoke."

"Are you feeling better now?"

"Yes. I've been getting these sharp stabbing pains. They don't last long at all, but they're pretty intense."

"Should you see a doctor? Headaches can be side effects of worse problem."

"I promised Molly I would go to the doctor. Griffin offered to see me when I had an episode at the hospital the other day. That's actually where I got Cristian's number. He caught me when I fell."

"An episode? Cristian had to catch you? Alexis, this doesn't sound like run of the mill stress headaches. What if it's something serious?" Julian's heart was racing. Thoughts of brain tumors, strokes, seizures, toxoplasmosis, and a million other catastrophies raced through his mind.

"Oh, I'm sure it's nothing. But they've become a bother enough that I'll go get checked."

Julian caressed her head as if touching her would help him see if there was a problem. Or better yet, make it go away. 

His fingers slid through her hair releasing the scent that was so uniquely Alexis. 

"I can see you worrying, Julian. Don't. I'm certain it's stress."

"How do you know?"

"Because I only get them when I'm thinking about disturbing things."

His heart fell. "Look, Alexis, if it's going to cause you pain to be in therapy..."

"It wasn't the therapy. Once we got started talking, I was fine."

"What have you been thinking about more disturbing than therapy?"

"I don't know, lots of things. The first time was at the wedding when I really wanted a drink. Another was at the hospital after walking out of an AA meeting. Another was after a nightmare I had of Mikkos taking Sam from me. I can't find anything specific that's getting to me. It has to be a combination of a lot of things."

"Am I doing anything to make it worse?"

"No, Julian. You seem to help. Listening to your voice in Cristian's office distracted me."

He kissed her temple and nuzzled her hair, happy to finally not be the cause of her distress.

"You had a dream about losing Sam?"

"Yes. It was awful. Some of it was different than previous memories; I remembered some things I'd forgotten."

"Really? You don't think it was just a part of the dream? A distortion of reality?"

"No, I'm certain it happened. I can feel it was certainty. Mikkos had Sam taken away, then he had me drugged to stop me from trying to keep her. He hardly let me hold her. I was yelling at him to let me hold my baby one more time. I'd never yelled at him before. But he just took her away and drugged me."

"Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry." He squeezed her tight.

"Why would he do that? I was sixteen and helpless. I'd just given birth. They had Sam. Why sedate me?"

"He was your father. Maybe he didn't want to see you in pain?"

Alexis shook her head, "No, he didn't care about my pain."

Alexis cringed, holding her head in her hands, burying her face in Julian's chest. She cried out, "Ow!"

"Alexis, are you ok? Is this a headache?"

Julian held her close, kissing her head. "It's ok sweetheart. It's ok. We'll get you through it." Julian didn't know what to do but kiss her, hold her, and try to comfort her with whatever words he could think of.

He could hear small whimpers of pain. Moisture pooled on his chest. He reached down and felt tears coming from her eyes.

He couldn't tell if it was moments or minutes later, but he felt her breathing slow and her muscles relax. She'd fallen asleep. He debated taking her to the hospital, but was afraid waking her might start another attack.

He reached for his phone on the nightstand and sent a text to Ava. "Are you with the doctor?"

"Yes, why?" she messaged back.

"Alexis said he was with her when she had a headache episode the other day. She's having more of them. This last one looked pretty bad. He said he wanted see her to run some tests. Should I bring her in now, or let her sleep?"

"You're sleeping with Alexis?"

"Come on, Ava."

Julian waited for agonizing moments before getting the message back.

"It's Griffin, can you call?"

"She's sleeping on me. I'd wake her."

"What symptoms is she having?"

"Sharp, painful headaches that don't last very long. She says they start when she's stressed. She was talking about a nightmare she had when she had the last one. She fell asleep right after."

His phone rang. Ava's phone was calling. "Hello?" answered Julian.

"It's Griffin. Their pattern doesn't sound like tension headaches. Their presentation has me think they're probably cluster headaches, because migraine and sinus headaches have a slower onset. But cluster headaches aren't typically associated with stress. They could be psychosomatic symptoms, or something worse."

Julian looked down at Alexis. She was out cold. He still whispered to minimize disruption. "What should we do? Should I get her to the hospital?"

"I think you should. The urgency is to rule out an aneurysm. Any other issues could be addressed during regular hours and she could rest. But the risk of aneurysm is too high."

"Thank you, doc. I know you have no interest in doing me any favors."

"This is for Alexis," he said abruptly. "I'll be at the hospital in twenty minutes."

"We'll be there in ten."

The line went dead.

Julian gently rolled Alexis off of him. He got dressed quickly. He found a pair of sweats and put them on Alexis. He put some slippers on her feet, then wrapped her in a blanket. 

"Alexis?" he whispered. "Alexis?" 

She didn't wake. He lifted her and carried her out of his apartment. He made sure she was bundled before braving the cold. He brought her to his car in the parking garage. She didn't wake when he put her in the back seat. 

Grateful it wasn't snowing, he pulled out of the garage and was about to accelerate down Charles Street when a loud BOOM! sounded behind him. He hit the brakes and looked in his mirror. A car parked on the street was on fire, someone in dark clothes was running in the opposite direction. The figure stopped briefly to look up toward Molly's apartment.

Julian looked behind him at Alexis laying in the backseat. She was his number one. He hit the accelerator and took off for the hospital. 

He picked up his phone and dialed a number that in a previous life he wanted to avoid at all costs.

"911. What is your emergency?"

"There's been an explosion..."


	11. Etiology

Etiology

_______________________________

 

A mumbling voice was the first thing Alexis heard. She didn't have to hear the words to know who the voice belonged to.

Slowly, her mind cleared and she started understanding the words he was saying.

"Thanks, Ava. Yeah, I know. Sorry to call the good doctor away. And thanks for checking on Molly for me."

Alexis perked up.

"I bet she wasn't," Julian continued. "But she hates me even more...He said they were psychosomatic...No, not tension headaches. I'm sure Griffin can explain it to you better than I can..."

Julian was walking around the room on his phone. He turned around and met Alexis's gaze.

"Hey, Ava. I've got to run. You'll take care of finding a temporary guard for me? Thanks, sis."

Julian hung up the phone and moved to her bedside. He grabbed her hand and brought it to his lips.

"Good morning, beautiful."

"I'm in the hospital? What happened?"

"You had another headache. I brought you here to get some tests run."

"What were you saying about �psychosomatic?'"

"Griffin thinks your headaches have roots in your psyche."

"So I'm going crazy? It's all in my head?"

"God, no. They're real headaches. Jesus, you passed out after that last one. There just might be some sort of trigger in you mind that causes them. The good news is you don't have an aneurysm, or stroke, or tumor or something."

"And the bad news?"

"There's not really a specific protocol to fix it other than therapy. Even that's not a guarantee."

"At least I'm not dying."

She was joking, but she saw Julian exhale in relief. She wanted to change the subject of her mortality.

"I heard you asking Ava to find a guard for Molly. I should be going home today, right? What's the rush? We can stay at your place and keep an eye on her."

Julian closed his eyes.

Panic shot through Alexis. "Did something happened to Molly?" 

"No, thank goodness. I sent Ava to check on her. Molly is fine. So is TJ."

"Then what is it?"

Julian looked reluctant to answer. 

"Tell me."

"After I got you in the car and pulled out of the garage, there was a car bomb outside Molly's building. It wasn't Molly's car, but there was some damage to her car from the debris. They don't know who did it. There aren't any leads."

Alexis put her hand over her mouth. What the hell was happening? "Julian, I need to see her."

"She's on her way. Ava told her you stopped by to talk to me about her when you had your episode and I brought you here. Ava didn't tell her anything else."

Alexis nodded. "You should go before she gets here. She's probably shaken up by the bomb."

"I understand. I don't want to antagonize her. While she's here, I'll call Sam and Kristina."

Alexis nodded. "Kristina probably won't answer."

"I'll also get us another appointment with Cristian. I don't think we should wait a week."

She nodded and reached a hand out to him. There was space enough in the hospital bed for Julian to lay and cuddle up next to her for a moment. He wrapped her in his arms and kissed her deeply.

"I love you, Alexis. Please don't scare me like this again."

"Thanks for taking care of me."

"My pleasure, sweetheart. I'm just happy you're ok."

When he left, Alexis thought about her headaches and about Molly. She was anything but ok.


	12. Connections and Fragmentation

Connections and Fragmentation

____________________________________

 

"What do you say, Cristian?" said Julian. "Can you help?"

These two patients were more than Cristian had bargained for. The history they shared was volatile and complicated. Now they were adding psychosomatic symptom to the picture.

"I don't think I can, Julian. Alexis, from what you're telling me about the symptoms you're having, and everything you told me about your early life, I'm not sure couples therapy is the best place to work through these issues. You should get an individual therapist to work on the headaches and their origin, while we focus on your relationship."

Julian was shaking his head, "No, we need to focus on getting her through these headaches first. I'm not putting pressure on her to fix our relationship while she's having pain. I don't want to contribute to her stress. She can use our time."

"Cristian, don't you think these things are tied together in some way?" asked Alexis. "I'm not an expert, but I can't image my relationship with Julian isn't affected by all this."

Julian reluctantly added, "Or causing it."

"Julian, you're not causing the episodes. I started having them at the wedding before I even knew you were there."

Cristian was hesitant to do individual trauma work with a couple. It took away from his real client, the relationship. And that is what it would be, trauma work. Nothing short of significant trauma would cause such intense psychosomatic symptoms in a person as resilient as Alexis. 

Cristian, too, doubted Julian was the cause of these symptoms. As Alexis suggested, the onset was off. There must have been something new in Alexis's life that was triggering the symptoms. 

But the cause had to have been buried deep down from years ago. It was just how these things worked. For the most part, children and adolescents didn't have the capacity to handle difficult situations the way adults did. Evidenced by Alexis blocking out her mother's death as a child. 

It wasn't impossible for the trauma to have occurred in adulthood, particularly if she was altered or drugged in some way. That would help block or repress the memory. 

"Look," said Cristian, "I have ethical guidelines to keep in mind regarding dual roles."

"This is an essential part of our relationship," countered Julian. 

Cristian shook his head, "It could take us way off track."

"Or you might resolve it in a couple of sessions."

"This kind of work can take years!"

"We don't have years! I will not allow my wife to suffer like this for months let alone years!"

"Your wife?"

Julian didn't correct himself after Cristian's challenge. Cristian saw Alexis trying to conceal the slight lift of the corner of her mouth. Julian stared stone-faced, willing Cristian to bend. Cristian felt like a defiant child under that gaze. 

But as he let himself consider the possibility, maybe there was a way it could be done. Perhaps he was being arrogant, but Christian thought he could walk this fine line, help Alexis, and keep the focus on the health of the relationship. 

"How about this? We'll explore it a little bit more, but if I think, for one second, it isn't helping our other goals, I'm putting an end to it."

"Good man," said Julian. Alexis smiled in relief. Cristian realized it wasn't necessarily a good sign for the therapeutic relationship that their approval meant so much to him.

"Ok, lets discuss all the instances in which you've had these headaches."

They came up with a list, each episode more memorable than the last:

The wedding  
The AA meeting  
The dream  
Riverside meditating  
Talking with Sam  
Starting therapy  
Julian's apartment

"What happened at the wedding? Who were you with? What were you talking about? Thinking about? Feeling? Anything."

"I was talking with Kim Nero."

"About?"

Alexis pursed her lips.

"Alexis, I can tell when you do that with your mouth you're not wanting to say what's on your mind. If we're going to do this, out with it."

She rolled her eyes. "Fine. Kim was there on a date with you. You were away from the table dealing with a patient. She was upset because someone rejected her invitation to the wedding before she asked you. She was irritating me, and that was before I found out it was Julian she was pining after."

"Oh," said Cristian, trying not to show the gut check he just received. He had quite a crush on Kim. At least Julian wasn't available to her. "And the headache just happened during all that?" 

"Sort of. You had just left, Cristian, and I started feeling lightheaded. I was watching Kim drink her champagne wishing I could have some. Then I felt like I didn't need it because I felt drunk without it. Then the pain came."

Cristian was taking notes as she spoke. "Anything else you can remember?"

"Oh, I thought I heard Scout crying. It was clear as day. But she already went home."

Julian narrowed his eyes. He seemed to think that was odd. 

"Now the AA meeting?"

"I was upset that day. A lot of stress. I was trying to find a sponsor, but I haven't had any luck since my last sponsor tried to kill me."

"What?"

"Julian's latest enemy. His sister. She paraded around as my sponsor before she kidnapped me and tried to get Julian to kill me again. Instead, Julian freed me and took a bullet from her himself."

"So you were thinking about Julian's sister?"

"No, the headache didn't happen quite yet. I left feeling frustrated. I was wanting a drink." She paused a moment, trying to remember. "Then I bumped into you at the elevators. I remember seeing your eyes. They were kind eyes. Then it just hit me."

Cristian raised his eyebrows. It didn't get past him that he was present in both situations so far. He and the alcohol were the only two factors lining up in his notes.

Julian was squinting at him with his head tilted, clearly having the same thoughts.

"Tell me about your dream."

"No," said Julian. "No. That's what set her off at my apartment."

"I need to know," said Cristian.

"Then I'll tell you. I don't want her triggered."

"Alexis would you like to step out?"

"No," she said abruptly. "I can handle it."

"You sure?"

She closed her eyes and nodded. She started her deep breathing exercise. She reached over and gave Julian's hand a squeeze. He took that as his cue.

"We told you how we met?"

Cristian nodded.

"We had that one night in my car, then she ended up pregnant. I never knew about it. Her father found out and pulled her out of boarding school. She gave birth in a private facility. He had our baby taken away from her and arranged an adoption. In the dream, she said Sam was crying and Alexis was begging for more time with her. Then her father had her drugged.

"When we were in bed the other night..."

"In bed? You're sharing a bed?" Cristian didn't want to get off topic, but he needed to keep in mind they were there for couples therapy, too.

"We're sleeping together, but not having sex. Not yet."

"I don't feel like drinking when I'm with him. He's agreed to be there for me," said Alexis. She never opened her eyes. She just said her peace and went back to breathing.

Cristian nodded for Julian to continue.

"When we were in bed the other night, she was telling me about the dream. She was wondering why her father had her drugged. It's strange because he was a cold man. He wouldn't have cared if she was in pain. He wouldn't have cared if she was a handful for the staff. He didn't stick around to comfort her, so it wouldn't have bothered him if she was crying. That's when the headache struck."

Alexis's breath was faster and more shallow than before. Cristian could see she was working to slow it down. Julian pulled her into him. He kissed her forehead and stroked her hair. A single tear dripped down her cheek.

"She's having one now?" asked Cristian.

Julian nodded.

"Should we stop for today?"

"No," said Alexis. "It's easing up. They disappear almost as fast as they come. This one wasn't bad. I was ready for it. Let's move on."

She didn't move away from Julian. Instead, she pulled her legs up on the couch and stayed tucked in his arm.

"What happened when you were meditating at the river?"

"I was unable to clear my head...I thought about everything, all my stress: Molly, Kristina, Julian, work, alcohol. But what triggered the headache was thinking about that same dream.

"Same thing with when I was with Sam. She brought up my father, how she was surprised I was going to therapy because I'd have to talk about what he did to me. It reminded me of the dream."

"And starting therapy? You said you had a headache when you first came here."

"When I saw your face."

"What were you thinking?"

"I liked your eyes."

"My eyes give you a headache? Maybe I should wear glasses?'

She smiled gently.

"They don't give you a headache anymore?"

She shook her head. Good.

Cristian looked over the notes he took on the list. "I was hoping we'd have one theme stand out, but it's a little fragmented."

Cristian made another list with a couple of notes next to each headache:

The wedding - Kim, Cristian, Julian; alcohol craving; baby crying  
The AA meeting - Cristian, Julian's sister; alcohol craving  
The dream - Father, Sam; baby crying  
Riverside meditating - Father, Sam; alcohol craving  
Talking with Sam - Father, Sam  
Starting therapy - Cristian  
Julian's apartment - Father, Sam, Julian

"What do you think?" said Cristian.

"You're on the list as much as me, Sam, and her father," said Julian.

Cristian looked at Alexis. "Do you have any clue why that might be?"

Alexis shook her head. Cristian took a deep breath and considered the list. It did seem like he was a trigger for her. Maybe he reminded her of someone. She brought up his eyes more than once. She had dark eyes. Maybe his brown eyes reminded her of her father? 

"I think I'm done for today," said Alexis. 

Cristian agreed. The session wiped him out almost as much as it did Alexis.


	13. Disparate Alliances

Disparate Alliances

_____________________________

 

Valentin Cassadine made Cristian's skin crawl. It was that way from the moment he met him. Initially Cristian ignored the feeling, but his intuition was currently screaming at him to run in the opposite direction. 

"I need more information," said Cristian.

"That's all I could find," said Valentin. "I'm sorry it wasn't what you were looking for."

"Don't you have information beyond this? There are only a handful of people on here."

"It's all I had in my records."

He was lying. Cristian was good at reading when someone was lying. It felt like Valentin was playing with him.

"I didn't move my life out here for nothing," said Cristian.

"Then I hope you make the most of what I gave you. You should be grateful. I could have turned your ass out on the street the moment you came knocking on my door."

"Fine. I'll just have to start investigating on my own. I shouldn't have trusted you with this in the first place."

"Good luck with that. There is no one alive in this town that would have a clue about what happened. Cassadines have been covering their tracks for centuries. You won't find anything."

"Then you underestimate me."

"We'll see about that."

_____________________________

 

"I don't like him keeping tabs on me. Tell him to stop having his security watch me," said Molly, turning her head to look at Julian behind her. She went back to picking at her salad.

"I can't do that. He's free to protect his property. This pub has been vadalized, too, you know," said Alexis.

"Just tell him to make sure they keep an eye on his property. Not me. Last night the security guy walked about five feet behind me until I made it into the building. It was creepy."

"I worry about you, Molly. Just let them make sure you and your building are safe. For me," Alexis pleaded.

"I hate that you're depending on him for this."

"I know you do. But it's going to happen whether you like it or not, so I'd rather you just be on board with it."

"That is stalkery and intrusive."

"Stalkery? That work does not qualify as communication."

"It counts as communication if you understood what I meant."

Alexis shrugged. "I'm not telling him to back off. He wouldn't even if I asked, because he'd know I'd be placating you. Which I won't do."

"I'll never understand why you two are so obsessed with each other."

Alexis didn't deny it. And she didn't hate it either. She glanced at Julian who was watching her while wiping down the bar. 

"Change of subject," said Molly. "Anymore headaches?"

"A couple more, but not so bad."

"How is therapy going? Are you getting any closer to the reason you're having them?"

Alexis shrugged. She felt guilty for not telling Molly the real reason she started therapy. "I think so. That's probably why they haven't been so bad lately."

"Just make sure you're staying away from things and people who give you stress." She turned to look a Julian.

Alexis rolled her eyes. "You know what would lower my stress? You out of that building. Move home."

Molly dropped her fork and stopped pretending to eat her salad. "Emotional blackmail. How very Cassadine of you. Did Uncle Stefan teach you that one?"

"As a matter of fact, he did."

"Well, my mother taught me idealism, and standing up for what I believe in. Besides, you don't want me to move home."

"I don't?" 

"No, then you'd run out of reasons to have late-night visits with Julian to check up on me."

"Ok, let's not get into it right now."

"Agreed. I'm leaving." She stood up and put on her coat. She kissed her mother goodbye. "Have a good evening. And stay out of trouble."

"Same goes for you!" Alexis yelled after her.

It didn't take Julian long to come over. "How'd it go?" he asked, taking Molly's seat.

She shook her head. "As expected."

"You're beautiful," he said.

She smiled.

"How are you feeling today?"

"Today's a good day."

"Good."

Alexis could tell Julian was holding back in public. His hand was twitching on the table as if trying to restrain itself from reaching out. Alexis looked around to make sure none of her friends were around. She reached out to Julian and grabbed his hand. His body relaxed immediately.

The door opened and the cold air wafted in. Julian, who was facing the door raised an eyebrow. 

"Hmm."

"What is it?" said Alexis.

Julian nodded over to the people coming in the door. Cristian was walking in with Kim, his hand on the small of her back. They sat up at the bar.

"Why would he go out with her again after what I just told him about her?"

"Alexis," said Julian "It's none of our business."

"Why would she bring him here? She knows you own the place? The only reason would be...Oh, I see."

"What?"

"She's wanting to make you jealous."

Julian raised his eyebrows and laughed. "Alexis, I'd have to be interested in her to be jealous. I think you're reading too much into it."

She rolled her eyes at him.

"Maybe you're the one who's jealous?"

"Me?"

"You do have a fondness for Dr. Cristian's eyes."

"Oh stop. He's a sweet young man. He's probably Sam's age. I have no interest in being a mother hen. Besides, I have my hands full with you, Charlie." Alexis knew she got to Julian by the comically pained expression on his face.

"Very funny. You're going to pay for that." 

Julian stood and pulled Alexis up with him. He smiled at her broadly and planted a theatrical kiss on her. At first, Alexis tried to push him away, but held her steady. She gave in, wrapping her arms around him, too.

The patrons of the pub began whooping and clapping for them. Alexis noticed Cristian smiling and clapping along with the rest, while Kim pursed her lips and turned around to face the other way.


	14. Forcing Progress

Forcing Progress

_______________________________

 

"Where do you two want to start today?" asked Cristian.

"Things are going pretty good for us. Alexis hasn't had any headaches since our last session," said Julian.

"That's nice to hear."

The three sat quietly staring at each other.

"I think I was hoping you would lead us in the right direction. I don't know what to talk about today," said Alexis. "Like Julian said, Things are going pretty well."

Cristian never thought it was a good idea for the therapist to work harder than the patient. It was their life after all.

"Is this what the two of you do when things are good? Avoid looking at the bad?"

Alexis opened her mouth in a quick inhale. She might have taken some mild offense to the question. 

Julian just rolled his eyes. "You're the doctor. What are we paying you for?"

"To teach you how to solve your own problems, not to keep you dependent on me to have conversations. Have you talked about anything worthwhile since our last session."

Neither spoke. Alexis avoided eye contact.

Cristian laughed. "Sorry, you two, but therapy doesn't work if you only come in once a week and talk for an hour with your therapist holding your hand, guiding you safely across landmines. You've got to actually keep momentum going in your actual lives."

Julian, predictably, folded his arms in front of him. A gesture to protect himself. 

Alexis, predictably, found something worthwhile to talk about.

"I'm afraid of another headache. I haven't been talking about anything because I'm afraid of the pain and the fear. I don't talk about my father, or therapy, or alcohol, or anything else that might trigger it."

"You're trying to control it?"

She nodded.

"How long do you think that's going to work?"

"Come on, doc. The woman's in pain. Isn't that what we're trying to do here? Get a handle on things?" said Julian.

Cristian held up a hand to stop Julian. "Don't make up excuses for her, Julian. I know you're trying to protect her, but it doesn't help her. It enables her."

"Look here, Cristian..." 

"It makes me feel helpless," interjected Alexis.

"Tell me about feeling helpless, Alexis," said Cristian. 

Julian sat back in his "walled off" position while Alexis turned toward Cristian and got vulnerable. "Helplessness is synonymous with loss for me. Loss of my mother. Loss of my child. Loss of my marriage. There wasn't anything I could do to stop those losses."

"You think not being able to stop bad things from happening is the same as being helplessness?"

"Isn't that the literal definition?"

"You don't seem helpless to me."

"No? A five year old watching her mother's throat sliced open isn't helpless? A sixteen year old being forced to give up her baby isn't helpless? A woman standing with a blade to her neck held by a man far stronger than her isn't helpless? Pray tell, doctor, what is helpless?"

Cristian smiled. He really liked her tenacity.

"Is that why you became a lawyer? To fight for the so-called helpless?"

"What's your point, doc?" said Julian. Julian was agitated, but Cristian assumed it was displacement. Julian's anger was really with himself for making Alexis feel helpless.

"Human beings are rarely entirely helpless. Yes, bad things happen to people all the time that are out of our control. But completely helpless? Rare. Tell me, Alexis, how did you survive your stepmother?"

"Avoidance mostly. The quieter I was, the less trouble I made, the more she stayed away."

"Adaptable. Clever. Anything else?"

"My father offered a certain degree of protection, I guess. And my half-brother."

"Relied on resources. Fantastic. Anything else?"

"The first chance I had at independence I took it."

"An opportunist."

Alexis smiled. "Your playing with semantics."

"I'm shifting perspective. You can't tell me an adaptable, clever, resourceful, opportunistic person is helpless."

"Good point. But answer this for me. Why would I block out the memory for a large period of my life? Clearly I couldn't handle it!"

"Who blocked it, Alexis?"

"What?"

"Who blocked the memory, Alexis? Was is your stepmother? Father? Half-brother? Julian? Who blocked your memory?"

"My subconscious."

"Your subconscious isn't a person."

"Fine, I did it! I blocked the memory!"

"Why?"

"To protect myself from the pain of seeing my mother sliced open in front of me! To find a way to live on."

Cristian looked at her with pride. "Not so helpless, then."

Alexis rubbed her face with her hands, "Ok, so I'm stronger than I think I am. What do I do with that?"

"You ARE stronger than you think you are, but you're missing the big picture."

She threw up her hands. "What? I haven't the foggiest."

"Your headaches are protecting you from something. You create them to keep you safe," said Julian. 

Cristian burst out laughing. Julian looked offended. "Sorry," said Cristian, "but I didn't expect you to be the one to make the connection."

"I'm not a complete blockhead; I went to Dartmouth."

"Exactly."

They shared a chuckle.

"You think the headaches are created by my psyche to protect me from something?" asked Alexis.

"Your psyche isn't doing anything you don't want it to, Alexis. Own what you're doing."

"Fine! It's not my psyche, It's ME. I'M giving myself headaches to avoid a painful truth."

Cristian nodded.

"What do I do? Run head first into my triggers?"

"That I don't know. We'll try to figure it out together." Cristian sat back in his seat. "Or maybe Mr. Dartmouth here will figure it out for us."

Julian threw a throw pillow at him.


	15. Intrusion

Intrusion

_____________________________

 

The pub was fast becoming a second home for Alexis. She was spending more nights on Charles St than she was at home to keep an eye on her youngest. She walked around the bar, this time to grab coffee instead of Tito's.

"Fancy seeing you here," her favorite voice rumbled behind her as she poured a mug. Two arms wrapped around her, pressing her against his body. He nuzzled in to her neck, trailing kisses against the sensitive skin. She exhaled in contentment. 

For a while now, Alexis decided she would giver herself to Julian all over again. Part of her wasn't entirely certain he'd never hurt her again, but she knew she was too in love to change the direction they were headed.

And that terrified her.

But for now, she enjoyed his kisses and his embrace.

"Nothing says true love like a knife to the throat, huh?" 

Alexis looked up to find Valentin smirking from a stool at the bar. She didn't notice him come in.

"Nothing says family like shooting your nephew. Hello brother. What brings you to Charles St.?"

"Nina and Maxie were raving about the avocado toast. I thought I'd come give it a try. As delighted as I am to see my fellow Cassadine bastard sibling, I must say, I'm surprised to see you with him."

"You know nothing about me. Why on earth would it surprise you?"

"Because we Cassadines are known for our survival instincts. But then again, we've also been known to play tightrope on the sharp end of the blade, both metaphorical, and literal." He gestured to Julian.

Julian walked around to shield Alexis. "I have the right to refuse service to anyone I want in this establishment. I'm invoking that right, right now."

"Surely, brother-in-law, or ex-brother-in-law, or half-ex-brother-in-law, I don't know what to call you these days. Surely, you wouldn't throw me out in the cold, and on such a dangerous street. I hear there's been violence and suspicious criminal activity on this end of town. Do you really think it's a good idea for my sister and my niece to be living here? Frequenting the area?"

"You don't get to worry about Alexis or Molly. They have enough of us doing that already." 

Valentin leaned sideways catching a glimpse of Alexis. It doesn't have to be this way, Natasha. Us Cassadines need to stick together. You never know when someone's going to come out of the woodwork and try to take away everything we have. We should stick together."

"Noted. Goodbye."

Valentin smiled, leaving without a taste of the pub's famous toast.

Julian was still huffing after Valentin left. 

"Don't let him bother you," said Alexis.

"It's been a while since I had to play these family games, I've been alone so long. It's surprising how similar our families of origin are."

"It's probably one of the reasons we're so drawn to each other."

"I'd say you have allures far greater than your relationship to Valentin." He pulled her in and kissed her, slapping her bottom.

She chuckled and kissed him.

"Nice dodge," she said.

"Excuse me?" he shook his head.

"Avoiding talking about how our dysfunctional families are is part of the problem in our relationship."

Julian nodded, staying quiet.

"You're up next session," said Alexis. "This therapy thing isn't going to be all about me."


	16. A Risky Decision

A Risky Decision

________________________________

 

"Let me get this straight," said Cristian, "It was literally the exact same dagger your stepmother killed your mother with?"

"The very one," said Alexis.

Cristian dropped his face into his hands, losing his professional composure. Julian was pacing behind the couch, back and forth, not looking at anyone as Alexis retold the story of the night on the docks. 

Cristian lifted his head. Alexis was sitting stark still in her corner of the couch. Her eyes were closed and she was doing her deep breathing.

"Julian," Cristian said exasperated.

"I know! I know!" said Julian, still pacing. It looked like he was trying crawl out of his skin. 

Cristian had an idea for an intervention. He worried it would be too much too soon. If Julian really was a dangerous and violent man, it would be catastrophic. But if Julian was really the man he claimed to be...

"Julian, please sit. I need you to settle down and focus."

Julian stopped pacing and looked at Cristian. His eyes glanced over at Alexis and it looked like the wind left his sails. He sat on the opposite corner of the couch, as though he was afraid to disturb her.

"Julian," said Cristian, "the thing is, I don't think you really understand what you've done to Alexis."

"What do you mean? Of course I get it!"

"No, you don't. Would you listen to me please? I'd like to try to explain it to you."

Julian opened his hands in a gesture for Cristian to proceed.

"Thank you, Julian. Now, Alexis, I'm going to be very blunt with Julian, because I think he needs to hear it to feel the impact. Please, please stop me, at any time, if you get overwhelmed. I don't want to traumatize you further."

"There is nothing you could say to make what happened worse. Tell him whatever you need."

"I hear you, Alexis. But just keep in mind, I can stop whenever you need me to."

"Thank you."

Cristian turned to face Julian head on. Julian had his hand on his chin, looking pensive.

"Julian, do you know much about trauma?"

He shrugged. "I know a bit about PTSD. I've known a few people who have it."

"Did you know there is more than one kind of trauma?"

He shook his head.

"There is a kind of trauma, where an event, or a series of events that are life threatening, gruesome, or terrifying in some way can impact a person in a way that they relive the event over and over in thoughts, nightmares, or flashbacks. I think this is the PTSD you're familiar with?"

"Yes." 

"To some degree, Alexis has displayed some PTSD symptoms throughout different phases of her life, like dissociative symptoms, repressed memory, hypervigilance. Would you agree?"

"Yes."

"There is another kind of trauma. We call it Complex Developmental Trauma. It's the kind of trauma that occurs when someone experiences ongoing abuse for a large chunk of their formative years. This type of abuse can have the same symptoms as PTSD, but also other symptoms like volatile relationship patterns, feelings of helplessness and worthlessness, psychosomatic symptoms like headaches or stomachaches, difficulty regulating emotion resulting in impulsive behavior..."

"Like drinking," Julian nodded.

"Exactly. As we know, Alexis has had some symptoms of both PTSD and Complex Developmental Trauma throughout her life, but for most of her life, the symptoms have been what we call subclinical."

"Not bad enough to be a problem?"

"Pretty much."

"So are you saying I made her relive her trauma? I'm triggering her PTSD? Or her Complex Trauma. I get that."

"I think you get it intellectually, but let me paint a picture for you...Alexis had a good life her first five years. She had a mother who adored her, cared for her, protected her, and gave her a stable life. Her mother was everything to her. Her father was pretty much absent. 

"Then her stepmother came along and cut open her mother's throat in front of five year old Alexis."

Julian cringed.

"How old is your grandson Danny?" asked Cristian.

"Six."

"So about the age Alexis was when this happened. Imagine this woman killing Danny's mother, your daughter Sam, in front of him. Imagine him watching as his stepmother sliced her throat from one side to the other with a long, sharp, dagger...'

"Stop!" said Julian.

"No, Julian. I'm not going to stop. You need to hear this."

Julian was breathing heavy, closing his eyes with his head hanging in his hands.

"I need you to imagine how Danny would feel. Helpless. Terrified. His only protector killed in front of him. His reality of the world changed in that moment. He develops a core belief that the people who love him most can't protect him because they can't even protect themselves.

"So Danny's mind forces him to tuck away the memory, because it's too awful to think about. But the memory doesn't disappear. Under a thinly veiled mental armor, it sits there triggered by sights, sounds, smells. The woman who destroyed his life, now takes the place of his guardian. He lives in torment everyday, not knowing why his body responds in so much fear when he sees her. He doesn't know why he shakes when he hears her footsteps down the hall.

"And as he grows up, he learns to make himself small. He learns not to make mistakes. If he's clever, he can avoid notice, avoid trouble. And when the time is right, he can disappear."

Cristian watched Alexis, afraid his words might trigger her. She was in the same position, doing her deep breathing. Julian was having a much harder time. He was fidgeting in his seat, and sweat was beading up around his temple.

"That was her childhood," Cristian went on. "Fear of death around every corner. Unimaginable loss a reality of existence. But thanks to her resilience, cleverness, and determination, she's been able to make a damn good life for herself.

"She even found love. She found a man to love, honor, and protect her. A man who made her fairytale dreams come true. 

"A man who made her most horrific childhood fears a reality, by taking the same knife that stole her mother and threatening to kill her with it the same way."

Julian stood, face tortured, and resumed pacing.

"When you tried to kill her..."

"I didn't try to kill her!"

"She didn't know that! Her reality was you tried to kill her! When she thought you were trying to kill her, you brought back the worst trauma of her life and magnified it greater than what she felt at five years old!

"That's why she started drinking. Her memory wouldn't protect her by hiding reality like it did when she was a child. She had to black it out in the only way she knew how.

"That is the reality of what you did to your wife, Julian!"

"Stop! Knock it off!" Julian was shaking is head pacing back and forth. "I've got to get out of here. I need to clear my head."

Julian headed for the door.

"Stop right there!" said Cristian. "Don't you dare walk out on Alexis!"

Julian stopped with his hand on the door. "I'm not walking out on her! I just need to think."

"For Christ's sake, Julian. I just laid the worst moments of Alexis's life out on the table, and you're going to leave her alone to deal with it so you can clear your head? 

"The first step toward redemption is understanding the pain you inflicted. The next step is dealing with the consequences.

"Stop making excuses to justify your bad decisions! Forget what you need for a moment and think of what Alexis needs! Not what you THINK she needs, but what she actually needs."

"I don't know what she needs! I've failed her in the worst way possible!"

"If you don't know, then ASK HER!"

Alexis still hadn't moved. She was no longer doing her deep breathing. She sat tense and still, her eyes darting from Julian to Cristian.

Julian dipped his head, seeming to contemplate his next steps. When he lifted his eyes to Alexis, pain and sadness radiated in waves off him. He walked to Alexis and knelt on both knees in front of her.

Their eyes met with such intensity, Cristian felt like an intruder in their private life. Julian shook his head. "I don't know what to do. What do you need, sweetheart? Tell me what to do."

"I need to know how you felt about what Cristian said," replied Alexis.

"I'm crushed, Alexis. I'm no better than Helena. All this time I'm thinking I'm working to be the man you need, but after what I did to you...I'll never deserve you. I'm scared that being with you will only ever hurt you. I don't want to cause you anymore pain, anymore damage."

"Are you giving up on us?"

"No. But, I'll do anything you need. If you need me to go, I'll go. If you want me to leave town, I'll do it. Anything you need. I hate being the cause of your suffering, but I didn't realize how bad it was. I didn't get it."

Alexis reached out to hold his face in her hands. "Julian," she whispered, kissing him chastely on the lips. "Cristian told you what you needed to hear to make sure you never did anything to hurt me again."

"Never. Never again." Julian looked at Cristian out of the side of his eye. Cristian tried not to smile.

"What Cristian doesn't know is you're the one that saved me from all this darkness. You noticed I had a problem drinking when no one else did. You survived a hit-and-run from me. You protected me. Stayed with me night and day when I was horrible to you. You convinced me to sober up. You were there to get me through the delirium tremens. You didn't allow me to self-destruct. 

"And when you sister kidnapped me, you got me free and took a bullet for me. I thought you died. 

"I don't know if Ava told you, but when we thought you were dead, I relapsed. I drank to forget the pain of losing you."

"I'm sorry, Alexis. I'm so sorry."

"When I was drunk, I would get these visions of you trying to convince me to sober up. It took me a while to realize it wasn't you convincing me my life was worth living, it was me. My subconscious manifested you as my inner strength. I manifested a vision of you to convince me I'm worthwhile, that I have power and control over my life. I think I did so because no one has ever made me feel as strong, as valued, or as capable as you do. 

"Julian, as much as that night broke me down, all the other years we've spent together built me up."

Julian grabbed her hands in his, "Where do we go from here, sweetheart?"

"I've been holding back because I couldn't be certain you'd never hurt me again. I've been protecting myself. But, Julian, right now, I believe you've changed. I believe you understand what it means to be a better man, and I believe you'd do whatever you need to be the man I need.

"I trust you, Julian, with all of me, heart, mind, body, and soul."

"Alexis, I don't think I deserve your faith in me."

She leaned down to kiss him again. "Which is exactly why you've earned it." And she kissed him again and again. This time he kissed her back.

Cristian was trying to sort through his own feelings from the session. He couldn't understand where his own passion came from today. He had never pushed a patient so hard to face the truth. The truth could be a dangerous thing for some patients, and it sometimes took years for someone to find their truth. For some reason, he demanded it of Julian today. 

He was grateful for Julian's eagerness to do anything needed for the good of Alexis. His affection for the two people in front of him grew immensely that hour.

Alexis and Julian both stood. "I think we went over our time, doctor," said Alexis.

"It was well worth it," said Cristian. 

As they left his office Cristian reflected on a name Julian said: Helena.


	17. Back to Square One

Back to Square One

_________________________

 

The couple in the car was as silent as the traffic on their ride home. There were no cars in any direction. Trees lined the road that curved alongside the river. 

Alexis tried to open her mouth to talk about the session a few times, but couldn't think of what to say. Julian was letting off sighs that sounded like he was struggling with whatever was going through his head.

For once, Alexis wasn't struggling, at all.

"Pull over here," said Alexis

"Why?" 

"There is a nice view of the river from here. It's where I come to meditate."

"Sweetheart, it's ten o'clock at night. We won't be able to see much." He did as he was told anyway.

"We're not here for the view."

"What are we here for then? It could start snowing again any minute." Julian parked over an embankment. 

"Turn off the lights."

The cold hit her in the face when she got out of the Mercedes. She steadied herself before closing the door and moving to the back of the car. She heard Julian get out, too.

"What are you doing sweetheart?"

"Come back here with me."

Leaving the car running, he moved to the back seat with her. "What's going on, Alexis?"

When the doors were both shut, Alexis removed her coat and gloves. It took a moment to lose the chill from the cold night air.

Julian smirked in that way he did when he was uncertain. He raised his eyebrows in question.

Alexis turned and climbed up on him, her legs straddled him. The skirt she was wearing fit snugly, so she had to pull it up to her hips so she could move the way she needed. An intake of breath sounded in her ear as she settled on his lap. The buttons of his peacoat were easy to set loose, and he helped her shrug it off. His arms steadied her around her waist.

Their eyes met in the darkness. Her arms wrapped around his neck, bringing their bodies closer together. She closed the small space between their lips and kissed him. 

He moaned against her mouth as their tongues met. Alexis rolled her hips on him, making her intentions clear. She felt his body respond.

"Sweetheart?" he asked.

"I want this, Julian. I want you. Right now. In the back of your car."

"Are you sure?"

"I've never been more certain of anything in my life."

She kissed him again.

"I love you, Julian. I trust you. I want you."

He pulled her back to him kissing her fervently. When she heard a sob escape his lips she lift her head. He said nothing as tears streamed down his eyes. She wiped them away and kissed him tenderly.

"Make love to me, Julian. In the back of your car, like we did all those years ago."

And that's exactly what he did.


	18. Symbiosis

Symbiosis

______________________

 

"Julian," said Cristian, "it's your choice today. What are we starting with?"

Julian sat with a throw pillow in his lap. The position was less closed off than his normal arms crossed position, but still pretty guarded. Cristian couldn't imagine Julian sitting with his son Lucas having a deep conversation with pillows in their laps.

"Alexis has talked about how I put her in compromising positions. Sometimes I see myself doing it, like when I asked her to represent a business associate of mine who had some dirt on me. If she could get him off, he wouldn't flip evidence on me. The ethical thing for her to do was convince him to take a deal. I convinced her to advise him to fight the charges."

"And you agreed to this, Alexis?"

She cleared her throat, ashamed, "Yes."

"She nearly lost her license over it," said Julian.

"Tell me about when you unknowingly put her in that type of situation."

"More recently, when I was in prison..." Julian trailed off.

"When you were in prison...what?" said Crisitian.

"I extorted my brother into exerting influence to get the charges dropped," Alexis said.

"Alexis, stop telling people about crimes you committed. He didn't need to know the specifics," said Julian.

"Extortion?" asked Cristian.

"I have powerful friends with violent reputations," said Alexis.

"I see. So Julian asked you to extort your brother?"

"No," said Alexis. "I did that on my own. Julian would have been killed if I didn't find him a way out of there. There was no other way."

"So, is the problem that you love a man so much more than yourself that you'd compromised everything you've worked for?" said Crisian "And, Julian, that you loved yourself so much more than anyone else that you allowed it?"

Julian's face dropped into his hands.

"It's not like that..." said Alexis.

Cristian held up a finger to silence her. He wanted Julian's reaction. He intentionally pushed him to stand up for himself. To make some sort of excuse.

But he didn't.

Cristian heard a sob. Alexis jumped over to Julian and put an arm around him.

"Please," said Alexis, "it's not like that. Julian convinced himself that if I compromise my ethics, that it would be better for both of us. That we'd sail off into the sunset unscathed. He didn't ask me to do it to hurt me. He asked me to do it, because in his twisted logic, it was the right thing to do.

"But that was two years ago. Since then he hasn't allowed me to sacrifice myself for him. Last year, he even tried to take the blame for me running away with him when he was a fugitive. He lied and said I was his hostage. Last summer he asked for an extended sentence because he thought I was better off without him. He begged me to move on and have a life. Then, when he found out I extorted Valentin, he was so angry that I risked myself for him. 

"He's changed, Cristian. He's changed. And you can't give him responsibility for me choosing to compromise my ethics. That was my choice. We've already discussed how my relationship with my father impacted my relationship with Julian."

"Thank you, Alexis," said Julian. "But you know I don't deserve you standing up for me."

"Julian," said Cristian, "I didn't mean what I said."

"It's ok, doc. You don't have apologize."

"I wasn't going to apologize. I was going to explain myself. I don't think you love yourself more than you love Alexis. Quite the contrary. I was baiting you. And you didn't bite. Alexis did, but you didn't." Cristian smiled.

Julian pulled his head out of his hands. He looked at Cristian quizzically.

"Julian, when you two first started seeing me, you couldn't handle a challenge from me. You wouldn't take responsibility for the damage of your behavior, and you certainly wouldn't let Alexis take responsibility for hers. 

"In our last session, I saw a major change in you. You stuck around and took responsibility for your actions. You put your needs aside.

"I baited you today to see if the change would hold up. And it did. I'm impressed."

Alexis was grinning ear to ear. Julian was looking incredulous.

"It's what I've always known, doc. My siblings and I spent our lives competing for my father's approval, for his business. In that life you don't take responsibility for what you do, or you end up dead or in prison. Taking responsibility was a weakness, not a strength. Loyalty to family was the most important thing, except when your own ass was on the line."

"What do you think changed you, Julian?"

Julian smiled tenderly at Alexis. No other words were needed. She kissed him, no longer having any concern about Cristian watching.

When it was time to wind things up, Alexis asked, "When should we schedule our next session?"

"Do you think you need another session?" asked Cristian.

Alexis and Julian looked at each other questioningly. They smiled. Cristian knew it was because they got what they needed from therapy.

"How does one more sound, doc? Just to make sure we didn't miss anything?" asked Julian.

"That sounds good to me," said Cristian. "We'll wrap up our time together at that session."

As Alexis and Julian walked to the door. Cristian debated whether or not to ask a question that had been buzzing around in his head since their last session.   
He couldn't stop himself, "Alexis?"

She turned around, "Hmm?"

"I'm sorry, but something's been on my mind since our last session."

"What's that?" 

"I heard Julian say your stepmother's name was Helena? She wasn't Helena Cassadine by chance?"

"Yes, she was. She married my father, Mikkos. You've heard of her?"

"Yes, a few people in town have mentioned her. She carries quite a reputation. Helena is not a common name, and given what you've told me about your stepmother, it seemed likely they were one in the same. Your name isn't Cassadine?" 

"My given name is Natasha Alexandra Mikkosovna Cassadine. I changed it to separate myself from them."

"Understood. Thank you for coming."

Cristian chided himself for the abrupt ending of the conversation. Alexis gave him a quizzical look before leaving the room with Julian behind her. 

That was why you couldn't have dual relationships with clients. 

Cristian turned his attention to the new information he just obtained. "Well, what do you know? You've been holding out on me Valentin."


	19. Fallout

Fallout

___________________________

 

"Get inside. Get warm," said Julian, stamping the snow off his feet before entering the pub behind Alexis.

"Is the kitchen open this early?"

"No, but the chef isn't going to be the one making you breakfast. I am."

"I knew getting back together was a good idea. Now that you own this place, you can make me all the bacon I want."

Julian laughed and pulled her close to kiss her. "I'll give you more bacon than you can handle," he said. He kissed her again. He pinned her against the wall, grabbing her ass, as he savored the sweet taste and velvety texture of her mouth. 

Over the giddy sounds of Alexis's laughter the front door swung open.

"Oh, God no!"

Alexis froze. Of all the voices to hear behind her in this moment, that was the least fortuitous. Though given the owner of that voice lived across the street, it wasn't entirely surprising.

She considered hiding her face in Julian's chest and pretending like she was invisible. But, alas, she turned around. "Hi, honey."

"Mom, what the hell is going on?"

Alexis flinched. "Julian is going to make breakfast."

"Is he the meal?"

Julian snorted behind Alexis. She hit him with her elbow. 

"I'm going to get breakfast started. I'll make enough for Molly." Julian took off quickly. Alexis envied him.

"Don't bother!" Molly yelled after him.

"Come here, sweetheart," said Alexis. She pulled Molly to a table, and sat across from her. "Julian and I have decided to work things out."

"I'm speechless, but hardly surprised." Molly's expression said everything for her.

"Honey, a lot has happened with Julian and I since he was released from Prison."

"Yes, and a lot happened between the two of you on the docks. Does that factor into your decision?"

"Of course it does. I didn't make this choice lightly."

"You're right. It looked pretty hot and heavy when I walked in. there was nothing �light' about it."

"I love him, Molly."

"Apparently more than you love yourself."

"Molly," Alexis sighed. "I know you're upset, but there are reasons I made this decision."

Molly stared down her nose at Alexis, "Oh, this I've got to hear."

"We've been going to therapy. I think we've done some good work."

"Therapy? Really Mom? Talking about your feelings? That's the reason you're with him? Good God. You're a lawyer; I thought you'd come up with a better argument than that."

"I'm not trying to convince you to give us your approval. I'm trying to communicate why I made my decision."

"And I am communicating my derision for your regretful decision-making."

Alexis threw up her hands. "Message received."

Molly reached out to grab her mother's hands. It still startled Alexis that Molly had the hands of a grown woman. She thought of the ceramic plates with Molly and Kristina's little hand prints displayed in her kitchen. One of the few pieces that survived the Lakehouse fire.

"Mom. I love you. But I hate your decision. And I hate Julian. I will never be ok with this."

Alexis thought of explaining further to Molly, but she knew it wouldn't do any good. Alexis hoped Molly would always keep her idealistic idea of love and relationships. She hoped Molly's heart would never get broken, and her pride would never be humbled. 

She decided to just lean over the table and give her daughter a kiss on the forehead. Molly stood and moved around the table to hug her mother. Alexis accepted the embrace warmly.

"I need to get to school," said Molly, "but I wanted to come by and tell Julian not to have his security guard make rounds inside our building. He's creeping out the neighbor when he checks in on our apartment."

"What are you talking about, Molly?" said Julian who walked up with two plates of food. He set the bacon and eggs in front of Alexis, and the avocado toast in front of Molly. "My instructions to my security team are to patrol the street, and keep an eye out from a distance. He shouldn't have been anywhere near your apartment."

"Well the neighbor saw him at our door late last night. We were having dinner with Curtis and Stella, so we missed him."

Julian's face knotted in concern. He took out his phone and walked stepped away. 

Alexis didn't know why Julian was so concerned. She was grateful the guard was keeping such a close eye on her daughter.

When Julian walked back up, he looked tense and worried. "Last night's security guard never clocked into work. The company thought he was AWOL. They left voicemail for me here at the pub." He looked at Alexis, "I'm usually here after closing to make sure everything is ok, but..."

"We didn't stay here last night," she finished. "Are you saying it wasn't your guard? Someone was trying to get to Molly last night?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying."

"Oh God. Molly, you're coming home with me tonight. TJ will come to. Julian, we need to report this to the police."

"I'm not going anywhere, Mom," said Moll.

"Yes, you are. This is really getting out of hand. What if someone hurt you last night?"

"Well, they didn't. Besides, leaving is exactly what the landlord wants us to do."

"There are other ways to support your cause without putting yourself in danger."

"None of them as effective. Look, I'll call the police and report the incident. It's not going to look good for the landlord if this goes to court."

Alexis looked like she was about to pull out her hair. She turned to Julian.

"Molly," said Julian, "I think..."

"I don't care what you think!"

"These are dangerous people, Molly. They're not operating like some real estate developer or stingy landlord. This feels like organized crime. It's all very tactical."

"You would know," Molly sneered.

"Yes, Molly. I would know. The same way you worry about your mother getting hurt, she worries about you. Please take her feelings into consideration."

Alexis could have kissed Julian. Molly looked like she'd rather assault Julian than listen to him, but underneath her anger, Molly was a reasonable human being.

"I'll talk to Uncle Sonny," said Molly.

That wasn't the answer Alexis was looking for. Julian put a hand on Alexis's shoulder and squeezed it in reassurance. She looked at him, and he nodded.

"Looks like I'm outnumbered. Fine. But Molly Lansing-Davis, you will answer my calls. Texts are not sufficient, I need to hear your voice. If you don't, I am sending the police, or Julian, straight to your apartment, do you understand?"

"That's fair."

"When will you be talking to Sonny?"

"I'll go during my lunch break."

Alexis nodded. "Come here." She embraced her youngest daughter. The daughter most like her. The only child she never spent a significant time away from.

"I'll be fine, Mom."

Alexis just hugged her daughter and shook her head. 

After Molly left, Alexis turned to Julian. "What should I do?"

"I'll get more...reliable...guards. There are a few people I can call. Don't worry. The transactions will be entirely legitimate."

"We're sleeping upstairs tonight."

"Of course." Julian embraced Alexis reassuringly.

A knock sounded at the door. "We're not open yet!"

The knock sounded again. Julian grunted at the intrusion. He went to the door and opened it.

"Cristian?" 

Cristian stood out in the cold shivering.

"We don't open for another hour," said Julian.

Cristian was looking at Alexis. "I'm not here for the food. I was looking for Alexis. Well, both of you, but particularly Alexis. I drove to your house, but no one was there. I thought I'd try here."

Alexis noticed bags under his eyes and an anxious expression. "Is everything ok?"

"I think so. I don't know."

"What's going on Cristian?" asked Julian.

He gestured to a table, "Can we sit? I need to talk to you both."

Julian and Alexis sat next to each other and Cristian across from them.

"I asked you if Helena Cassadine was your stepmother, and you said yes."

"You're familiar with my family?"

"Look, Alexis, Julian, I can't be your therapist anymore."

"Why not?" asked Julian. "You don't want to be involved with the Cassadines? Just wait to you hear about the Jeromes."

"No, that's not it. I can't be your therapist because it would be a conflict of interest."

"How so?"

"I think I'm a Cassadine. Actually, I'm certain of it. At least a close relation."

Alexis shook her head on confusion. "Excuse me?"

"I didn't know it myself until a few months ago. That's why I moved to Port Charles. I wanted to find out more about my biological family."

"Who are your parents?"

"I don't know."

"Then how do you know you're related to Alexis?" asked Julian.

"Because I took a DNA test from one of those family tree sites, and a distant cousin was in the system. It took some digging, since it was a minor, but Charlotte Cassadine was the match. Apparently she was doing a project at school and begged her father for the test."

"My niece is your distant cousin?" said Alexis

"Yes."

"So what does that make me?"

"I'm not sure. You must be a cousin or something? An aunt?"

Julian put his hand protectively over Alexis's hand. "Where did you come from? Why don't you know your parents?"

"I was adopted. I was raised in Europe. Spain primarily. My parents finally told me I was adopted after I did the test. It was about six months ago."

"Did your parents tell you anything about how they adopted you?"

"They said it was a private adoption. The person who gave me up was from wealthy family. They were pretty skittish about who they were leaving me with. I tracked down all the legal paperwork that had the details of the adoption, and none of it was legitimate."

"If you're a Cassadine, that wouldn't be surprising. If someone gave you up for adoption, they'd want to cover their tracks."

"I'm certain I am related to your family. The part of my lineage that matched Charlotte's was the Greek and Russian side. Valentin Cassadine..."

"My half-brother."

"I reached out to him. He said he'd help me look for my parents. Valentin was looking through old Cassadine histories and family documents, trying to see if their were any clues.

"But I've been doubting his desire to help me lately. I did a google search of him, and have been questioning his integrity. It sounds like authorities were suspicious of him in the death of his nephew. And after hearing about what Helena did to you, I've decided it's probably best to keep my distance from certain family members."

"Smart guy," said Julian.

"Cristian, I hate to tell you, but my girls, Valentin, Charlotte, and my great-nephew Spencer are the only Cassadines left. If you're a cousin of mine, your parents are probably dead."

"Maybe the Cassadine parent is dead. But who knows about the other parent. The Cassadines are only half my roots."

"Good point," said Julian.

"You don't happen to know any family history that sounds like this could be connected to, do you?"

"I'm sorry, no. I really don't think I'm going to be much help with anything. I could talk to Valentin and see if he is holding back any information from you. It wouldn't be a surprise if he did."

Cristian flushed a little. He looked as though he was working himself up to ask a question Alexis might not like to hear. "Look, Alexis, I was hoping we could compare our DNA. I'm sure it will come out similar to Charlotte's, but I don't want to leave any stone unturned. I'll pay for it myself."

Alexis smiled. "Of course we can compare DNA. I have a good relationship with the lab manager at GH. I'm sure he could help us get the results quickly."

"It wouldn't be his first time," said Julian under his breath.

Alexis grabbed Cristian's hand, "Even if we don't find out any new information, maybe you can meet some of your cousins. Sam is probably around the same age as you. Maybe you could connect."

Cristian sat back looking relieved, and a little giddy. "This was a lot easier than I thought it would be."

"Really? Did you think I'd fight you on it?"

"No, I thought you'd feel uncomfortable with me being your therapist and knowing all this personal information about you. I want you to know I take my ethics very seriously. I won't break confidentiality."

Julian leaned forward, "Why didn't you tell us this last night, when Alexis told you who she was?"

Cristian shook his head. "I needed to process it. It's strange to realize people you've been spending intimate hours with could be some of your long, lost, family. I didn't sleep a wink last night. I decided to try to find you as soon as appropriate for a morning."

"I agree," said Alexis. "Why waste any time? Are you going to the hospital this morning? I can meet you there. We can go see Brad when we get there."

Cristian grinned. "You have no idea what this means to me. Valentin strung me along for weeks."

"I'm sorry he did that. I don't rarely know the reason Valentin makes the choices he does."

Julian was tilting in head and narrowing his eyes, in full critique of Cristian.

"Doesn't he look like he could be a Cassadine?" asked Alexis.

Julian released a slow nod. "He certainly does."

"Let's go right over, then. I need to use the ladies room quickly before we go."

Alexis excused herself. As she walked away she heard Julian say, "I've got a couple questions for you."

She hoped Julian would stay away from threats or warnings for Cristian, if was playing them. There didn't seem to be any reason he would. Being a Cassadine, she was used to strange family members coming out of the woodwork.

She was worried, however, about making sure she packed up her bacon to go so she could eat it on the way to the hospital.


	20. Recognition

Recognition

_______________________________

 

"Julian, quit staring," said Alexis.

"Sorry," said Julian

"You don't trust him, do you?"

"No, I don't think he's lying."

"Then why are you looking at him like that?"

Julian had certain suspicions. But not the ones Alexis was considering. He didn't know how tell her. He continued to stare at Cristian. He needed to say something to Alexis, but he didn't know if he should wait for the tests. 

Cristian was getting swabbed by Julian's son-in-law, Brad. Brad was eager to help Alexis, less so Julian. Brad made a joke with the swab in Cristian's mouth, and Cristian gave a deep, bellowing laugh.

Then Julian saw it. For the first time, he saw in the shape of his eyes. Not the color, but the shape when he laughed. It was there in his mouth, too.

"Julian?" said Alexis.

"I..." he hesitated. But the more he looked at Cristian, the more his resolve strengthened. "We don't need the test. I know who he is."

"What are you talking about? You've been acting strange since he told us he was a Cassadine."

Cristian finished up with Brad. "Alexis," said Brad, "It's your turn."

Alexis gave one more look to Julian, then went to get swabbed. Cristian took her place next to Julian.

Julian looked back and forth from Cristian to Alexis.

"You don't believe me, do you?" asked Cristian. "You've been scrutinizing me this whole time."

Julian turned to the man next to him and stared him in those chocolate brown eyes he knew so well. Warmth flushed through him. He couldn't help himself, he took Cristian's face in his hands and looked at him. He looked at every detail. Every curve, every color, every shape.

He felt Cristian pull gently away.

"Julian!" said Alexis. "What is going on? Let the poor kid go."

"Sorry," said Julian.

Brad finished the swab on Alexis. He readied them to be tested.

"Brad, we need one more swab," said Julian. 

"Why's that?" asked Brad.

Julian looked softly at Alexis as he said, "Because Cristian's birthday is May 11, 1980."

"What does that have to do with anything?" said Brad. 

Alexis dropped her purse on the floor. "How do you know that?"

"I asked him at the pub," said Julian

"That's not possible, Julian."

"It makes sense, Alexis."

"What is so significant about my birthday?" asked Cristian. 

Alexis tentatively walked up to him. She looked incredulous. Julian had the same feeling. She reached up to touch the corner of Cristian's mouth. 

"You see it, too, don't you?" said Julian, "In his mouth?"

"And the corners of his eyes when he smiles," she said. 

"He looks like..."

"Before the surgery..." she nodded. 

"You remember?"

She nodded grinning. She turned to Julian, "It's not possible. It doesn't make sense. I would know."

"It makes perfect sense. Your headaches... They started when you met him. You even heard a baby crying. The dream of your father and the baby. You said the dream was different than your previous memories of Sam. And Charlotte is the daughter of your HALF brother. He would not look like a first cousin to her. He would look like a distant cousin in a DNA test."

"What are you saying?" asked Cristian. 

"Our daughter, Sam, was born May 11, 1980."

Cristian faltered, eyes wide. "Are you saying you think we were born at the same time? That she's my sister? My twin? That you're my..."

"Oh, God!" Alexis held her head in her hands dropping down.. 

"Another headache," said Julian, grabbing Alexis around the waist. "Brad, go find Lucas or Griffin!"

"He took him!" yelled Alexis. "I remember. That bastard! He took him from me! Then he drugged me to forget. Ahh!" She screamed in pain. 

"Sweetheart, breathe. Breathe. Don't think of Mikkos right now."

"Why would he take them from me? Why leave no record of him, but fake Sam's death?"

Julian sank to the floor with Alexis, holding her in his arms. "Mikkos probably took them away to save them from Helena. She hated you, Alexis. She would have killed him. Especially a boy. A threat to her grandchildren's legacy. He probably faked Sam's death so if Helena found the death certificate, she'd give up. Maybe only he and the medical staff knew there were two of them. He probably saved both their lives."

Alexis sobbed in Julian's arms. "I can see him. I can see Sam. There were two! Two babies! They only let me hold each of them for a moment, then took them away. I'm not even sure the babies even got to see each other, touch each other."

Alexis shook in Julian's arms. He tried to comfort her. He searched his mind for anything to ease her pain. "I'm sorry, Alexis. I'm so sorry. It's all so unfair. You should've been able to raise your babies. WE should have been able to raise OUR babies. But Mikkos and Helena took that from us. It's not fair. 

"You have every right to hurt. You were just a kid. I wish I could have been there to protect you. To protect them."

"You didn't even know they existed," said Alexis.

"I should've never let you get out of my car."

She laughed through her sobs, "That's kidnapping."

He laughed, too. "I'm a criminal, haven't you heard?"

Her crying eased.

"Sweetheart," said Julian. "They're both alive. They're ok. They're here now. He's right here."

Footsteps charged into the room.

"Alexis!" said Lucas. "What did he do?" Lucas dropped down on the floor to try to pry Alexis from Julian.

"Nothing, Lucas."

"Let her go, Julian! Get out of here!"

"No!" said Cristian. "He needs to stay with her. He helps her."

"He tried to kill her!" yelled Lucas. He was kneeling in front of Alexis.

"No he didn't."

"What do you know about it, Castro? You weren't even here?"

"Lucas," said Alexis. "Cristian knows what he's talking about. Listen to him."

"Alexis?" Griffin called running into the room. Brad followed right behind. Griffin knelt next to Lucas. "How are you doing, Alexis? Talk to me."

"I'm better, thank you."

"Julian, lets get her to a gurney."

"I'm fine," she said. "I can stand on my own."

"No, Alexis. Let's let the doctors check you out first," said Julian.

"No, I want to see our son."

"He's here, sweetheart. He's right here."

"I'm not going anywhere," said Cristian.

Lucas looked incredulous at Julian, "�Our son?' You two have a son?"

Julian smirked, looking at Cristian, then nodded to Lucas. "Sam has a twin. This is your brother."

Lucas stood and turned to Cristian. "Seriously?"

"It hasn't been verified, yet. But it's looking that way," said Cristian. "You're Julian's son?"

Lucas held out a hand to Cristian who accepted it tentatively. Julian was caught up in the exchange for a moment, but Alexis pulled his attention back to her.

"Let me go, Julian. I want to stand up and hug my boy."

Julian reluctantly agreed. He assisted her standing. She looked steady, but Julian didn't let go.

Alexis looked at Cristian and tears fell, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

He smiled at her. "You have no reason to be sorry. You know that. At least you should after all the work we did together."

She reached a hand out to him. Julian anxiously awaited his eldest son's response.

Cristian gently took her hand and stepped toward her. He pulled her to him and hugged her. Julian could hear Alexis sniffling into Cristian's chest.

"We really need to get her checked out," Griffin pleaded.

"Come, I'll walk you to a room," said Cristian. 

Brad grabbed Julian's arm as he tried to walk out the door. "Swab?" he asked.

Julian opened his mouth and let Brad gather his sample. Lucas stood watching.

"When did you find out?" asked Lucas.

"This morning," said Julian.

"He seems to like you."

"Are you going to try to change his mind?"

"From the sound of things, I don't think I could."

Julian opened his hands palms up in invitation. "I'd like to build something together. As a family. I want you to be a part of it."

"Alexis forgave you?"

"She did."

"I'm not ready to make you any promises or give you any assurances."

Julian nodded in acceptance. "Ok, you know where to find me if you do. Take care of my son, Brad." Julian took one last look at his son before walking out to find Alexis and their second child together.


	21. All in the Family

All in the Family

__________________________

 

"Are you nervous?" his mother asked him.

Cristian nodded. Alexis wrapped her arms around him holding him so tight. 

He couldn't believe it, he was hugging his mother. And she was the most warm, loving person he'd ever met. Far more than his adopted mother, Elena. Elena was a mother. Alexis was a Mom.

Cristian felt a strong pat on the back. His father. His Dad. "It'll be fine, son. They're all good kids. They'll love you. Just don't expect them all to love me."

Cristian laughed. Given his last few months with Julian and Alexis, he couldn't be more uniquely qualified to step into a role in their family. 

He looked around at his father's pub. It had a warm feeling. A homelike feeling. 

"Hello," said a woman's voice from the door. Cristian had never heard that voice in his life, but it was the most familiar sound in the world.

"Grandpa!" A little guy around six ran barreling into Julian's arms.

"Hey, Danny!" Julian hugged him as though their lives depended on each other. 

"Notice how grandma got bypassed?" Alexis went over and gave Danny a kiss, then moved to Sam and Scout. 

"Do you want to meet your Uncle Cristian?" Julian asked Danny.

"Yeah!"

Julian brought him over. "Here he is."

"He looks different than Mommy. I thought they were twins?"

"We're not identical twins," said Cristian. "It's nice to meet you, Danny."

"You, too!"

"I hear you like dogs, but you can't have one in the apartment."

"Yeah," he said defeated.

"I think I have just the solution." Cristian pulled a toy robot dog out of a bag he had on the table.

"Cool!" said Danny. "Thanks! Scout! Check this out!"

Danny ran over to Sam and Drew. Drew was carrying Scout in his arms. She was worming to get down and play with the new family pet.

Cristian turned to his twin, nervous. "It has an off button. And it doesn't pee on the floor or need walks or anything."

Sam laughed. The sound made a pain ease in his chest. It was a pain he never knew he had. And in place of the pain a sense of completeness filled him. 

Sam came right up to him and embraced him. His little sister was a tiny little thing, he thought as his arms wrapped around her. Cristian wondered what her adopted life was like, if she had received enough nutrition. Cristian didn't have the warmest adopted family, but he was well taken care of. From what he knew of the misogyny of Mikkos Cassadine, he wouldn't have been as discriminating in finding his granddaughter a home as his grandson. 

Alexis came behind Sam and hugged the both of them. Julian snapped a picture with his phone.

When they broke apart, Drew came over to shake his hand. "How is it finding out you've had a twin your whole life and knew nothing about it?"

"Strange. But good. I got lucky in the biological family department."

"You're not going to find a better twin than Sam. Trust me, I didn't get as lucky as you."

Cristian thought the remark was strange, but ignored it for now.

"Who else are we expecting?" asked Sam. "Are Molly and Kristina coming? Lucas and Leo?"

"Lucas has to work," said Alexis. "Kristina couldn't get the vacation time approved so quickly. And Olivia didn't want Leo on Charles St. after that explosion a couple weeks ago. We're just waiting on Molly."

"Oh, and Cristian's date," said Julian.

Cristian saw Alexis purse her lips. Great, his mother didn't like his girlfriend. He shook his head. It was right out of a movie.

"I'm going to go check on the food in the kitchen," said Julian.

Drew went over to play with the kids and their new dog. Alexis pulled Sam aside, but Cristian could still hear their conversation.

"Did you tell Drew about Jason?"

"No, Mom. I haven't. I don't think I want to tell him, at all, to be frank."

"Maybe you should talk to Cristian. He really helped me and your father."

"Don't go there, Mom."

"Fine. Fine. I'll keep my nose out."

"I can't believe you and Julian worked things out. Are you getting married again?"

Alexis smiled and shrugged, "Maybe one day."

They were interrupted by another guest entering the pub. Cristian smiled. Kim was there.

"Hey, babe," he said. She came over and kissed him.

Alexis was pursing her lips again. Cristian raised an eyebrow at her. Alexis rolled her eyes and smiled. Then greeted Kim as if they were old friends.

"Hello, Kim. I'm so glad you could make it."

"Hello, Alexis. Who would have thought when we were sitting at the wedding reception together, we'd be here?"

"There are no words," said Alexis. 

Cristian chuckled to himself. 

"So, have you talked with the rest of your family about Cristian yet?"

"Yes, his siblings all know about him. They're eager to meet him. Molly should be here soon."

"I meant your Cassadine family."

"Valentin? No, I don't talk to my brother unless I have to."

"I see."

Cristian wondered why Kim was asking about Valentin. 

Julian came out of the kitchen. "Alright, the food is ready for when everyone gets here." 

Julian noticed Kim. "Hi." He gave a long distance wave before going straight to Alexis and putting his arm around her.

It was so awkward. Cristian didn't want to be jealous of his father, but the way Kim was shooting daggers at his parents, he couldn't help it. 

Cristian hoped Molly would arrive soon. He was desperate for a distraction.

A thunderous BOOM! sounded and the building shook! An explosion.

"Everyone down!" yelled Drew. 

Cristian watched his father ignore the command and run to the front door. He opened it to see what was happening outside.

"Sam!" yelled Julian. "Get the kids and your mother upstairs!" Julian and Drew took off across the street.

"Molly!" yelled Alexis. She started running to the door. 

Fear shot through Cristian that his mother might get hurt. He stepped in her way grabbing hold of her. "Let me go! Your sister is across the street! I need to see if she's ok!"

"Julian and Drew are looking!" said Cristian. "You can't go out there! What if there's another explosion?"

"My baby is over there! I don't care about another explosion!"

"I care! I just found you, Alexis. I'm not letting you go! Alexis, please! Stop fighting. Mom!"

She stopped for a moment to look at Cristian, fear still in her eyes. 

Screams pierced their ears as chaos continued outside. Cristian waited with his terrified mother in his arms. He wanted to go help find his sister, but he wouldn't even know who to look for. And if he let go of Alexis she'd run straight outside. 

"Alexis! She's ok!" yelled Julian coming in the door. Molly was right with him. She ran straight to her mother.

"Mommy! It was Valentin! He came bursting in my apartment. He found that bomb under my sink and threw it out the window!"

"It was in your sink?! Thank goodness you're ok," said Alexis, holding Molly tight. She looked to Julian.

"Drew went after Valentin. He's bringing him here," said Julian.

Sirens and scream were audible outside.

"Sam, take Molly and the kids up to your father's apartment. It's through those doors. Here are the keys," said Alexis.

"Kim should go, too," said Cristian.

"No, I'm staying," said Kim. "I want to know what's going on."

Drew burst through the door with Valentin. Drew was holding a gun, pointing it at Valentin's head. He pushed him inside the pub and sat him down on a chair. Drew hauled back and let loose a right hook to Valentin's face. 

"That was for running from me."

When he recovered, Valentin said, "This is becoming quite the ritual of ours."

Cristian assumed this wasn't the first time Drew had beat on Valentin. 

Julian took the gun from Drew and pointed it at Valentin's head. He fired a shot that just grazed Valentin's ear. When Julian spoke, his voice was deadly cold and serious, "From your connection to my sister Olivia, you must know that I take the safety of my family very seriously. And Molly is a part of my family. You tell me what the hell happened, or the next bullet is between your eyes."

Cristian was stunned by the terrifying, cold poise in which is father threatened to take another man's life. Threatened to take his uncle's life. Even more stunning was the ferocity of his mother's gaze boring into his uncle, completely at ease what Julian was doing to her brother. 

Valentin looked over at Kim, and said, "Do you want to pull up a seat next to me to tell them what happened? Or do I get the pleasure?"

Kim looked to Cristian, "I don't know what this guy is talking about. I've never met this man in my life."

"Then why did you ask my mother if she talked to Valentin when you first got here?"

Kim lost her words. She just shook her head and started walking to the door. Cristian watched his mother grab the gun from his father�s hand. Alexis pointed the gun at Kim's direction and pull back the hammer. 

Kim stopped cold. She turned around slowly with her hands up. Alexis pointed to a chair near Valentin; Kim walked over and sat down.

Julian pried the gun from Alexis. He pointed it at Valentin's head. "Out with it."

"Cristian came to me a few months ago letting me know he took a family tree DNA test and found out he was a cousin to Charlotte. He asked for my help looking for his parents. I dove through old records and found some information my father kept hidden. It was copies of adoption paperwork for Sam and Cristian."

"Why didn't you share it with him?"

Valentin stayed quiet. 

"Money," said Alexis. "He must have found an addendum to my father's will alongside the adoption records. Let me guess, our father redistributed the family fortune to all his male heirs?"

Valentin nodded. 

"How do you fit in?" Cristian asked Kim. 

She shook her head in defiance. Valentin laughed. "I found her heartbroken and rejected at Sam's wedding. Julian, whom she had fallen for, made it clear at the wedding who had his heart, and it wasn't Kim.

"I offered her a deal. If she kept an eye on Cristian, I would help her get revenge on Alexis. Of course, I had no intention of letting any harm come to my sister, but I was willing to allow petty revenge if it meant I was able to keep what was rightfully bequeathed to me by my father. Believe me, I had no idea she would go after Molly like this."

"Come on," said Kim. "You have been targeting Molly and Julian for months before I came along."

"With petty vandalism and intimidation so I could get a jump on the Charles Street redevelopment. I was trying to get them to leave, not kill them!"

"You're the landlord?" asked Alexis.

Valentin shrugged.

"How did you find out she was planting a bomb at Molly's?" asked Drew. 

"She used my guy who did the car bomb a couple of weeks ago. He called to let me know that the last one was planted in Molly's apartment per the instructions of my assistant. I got there just in time to launch it out the window."

Drew turned to Kim, "You tried to kill my sister-in-law, because you want revenge on my mother-in-law, because you were rejected by my father-in-law? How do I explain this to Oscar? That you went nuts over his stepgrandfather and tried to kill his stepaunt?"

"Oscar," she whispered sadly.

Drew ran his hands over his face in exasperation. "Julian, Alexis, I've got these two covered until the police get here. Why don't you all go upstairs and check on everybody? And make sure the PCPD knows what's going on."

Christian watched Julian escort Alexis to the door that led to his apartment upstairs. They were both tense, he could tell, but otherwise, they were fine. He was still wide-eyed in disbelief that something this extraordinary was going on in his life. He turned back to look at Kim and wondered where he went wrong with her. He was usually a much better judge of character. He guessed he had something to learn from his mother who seem to have a good read on Kim from the start. 

"Cristian?" said Alexis. "Come with us, honey."

"I'll be right there. Go on ahead."

Alexis nodded and went through the door with Julian trailing behind. 

Cristian turned to Drew, "How are you all holding it together so we'll?"

Drew smirked and said, "You're a Cassadine and a Jerome, now. You'll get used this."


	22. Plans

Plans

______________________

 

"Get in this tub, Alexis! They're grown adults; they can take care of themselves."

Alexis walked in the bathroom wearing her robe. "I know, I was just making sure they had everything they need. I miss having Molly live here. I want her and TJ to be comfortable so they don't want to leave right away."

"I'm just glad Molly has stopped making scathing comments every time she sees me."

"Little victories."

"Get in here," he repeated, feigning exasperation. 

Alexis made a show of removing her robe for him, then sank down into the water next to him. 

"Mmm," said Julian, "I've missed this." He pulled her on top of him, letting the water slosh around them. He heard her exhale with pleasure and he kissed down her throat. 

"I have a secret about your son I'm not supposed to tell you," she said. 

"Really? Maybe I could find a way to get it out of you." He trailed kisses down her chest. 

"He asked me what I thought of taking your last name."

Julian laughed, "Did you tell him you like your last name as it is?"

"Not me taking it, Julian. Cristian wants it."

Julian stilled. "Really?"

She nodded. "I think I ruined the surprise."

Julian just shook his head, "No, I'm surprised. Wow. How amazing is that?"

"I knew it would mean a lot to you."

Julian continued raining kisses over his love. His lips would never get enough of the woman. 

"How are you doing, Alexis? So much has happened in the last week. Any headaches?"

"None. Not a one."

"Do you think we need to find a new therapist?"

"No, I think we've figured things out pretty well, don't you?"

"Absolutely. The only problem I have right now is figuring how long I'll have to wait before you'll say yes to marrying me again."

Alexis smiled. "I guess we'll have to wait and see. Let's just try to be disaster free for a while, before we make wedding plans."

"What could possibly go wrong?"


End file.
